Confession: I am a boyfriend who cheated. I learned from my mistakes, and I am truly sorry. Having said that, I always laugh at how women’s magazines say “women cheat for emotional reasons, men cheat for sex.” That statement may be true for some men and women, but just as some women cheat for an emotional supplement, so can men. Yes, men are more logical, but we’re emotional, too just….well a lot less emotionally complicated than women (of course, I had to throw a jab in there).

I had a wonderful woman in my life: educated, neat, great cook, loyal, and a GREAT body to go with that spectacular personality…but something was missing. By no means do I want anyone to think that I am condoning cheating in anyway way whatsoever–it’s always best to be honest about how you feel in the relationship no matter what, but let’s be more realistic: Men’s balls will shrink up into their waist, with the very THOUGHT, of hurting a woman’s feelings. This is why we cheat. This is a list of suggestions on how to strengthen your relationship so that you can seal any cracks.

Disclaimer: This list applies to the “Average Joe”. There are a few exceptional men (read: sarcasm), that cheat because they are selfish and immature, and therefore not knowledgeable on how to keep a relationship in general.

Women like compliments. Men like compliments,too–some of us even more than women do.

Men have egos, and though some are bigger than others, the need for a woman’s validation that we still turn her on, is still there. It sounds a bit stupid but, a lot of times, this is how emotional cheating starts. Both men and women can take relationships for granted; for example, your man dresses up for an event (i.e. Christmas Party) and your boyfriend/husband asks how he looks, don’t just give a quick glance and say, “You look fine, hun…”and continue on with your business. Take a long glance– a LUSTING glance, walk up to him, kiss him, and say, “Honey, you look great…” Trust me, men are susceptible to flattery, which is why you should compliment him, instead of the next fawn that comes around wagging her tail for attention. Compliments make him feel good, but if she does (make him feel good), he WILL delve deeper into what else she could possibly do to make him feel EVEN BETTER.

Let us do things on our own.

No, we don’t like to ask for directions. Yes, we know we are late to dinner at your third cousin- twice removed’s house, but just let us be. Unless it’s a life or death situation, give us a bit of time to figure things out or give up the “know it all charade”. Hell, 9 of out 10 times, finding our way out of a situation like “being lost”, is like an adventure to us. Let us indulge in it. That dresser from Ikea we volunteered to assemble for you– let us do it BY OURSELVES, I beg of you! When you stand over our shoulders and grab the instructions to take over the project, it makes us feel stupid and more importantly— like you don’t trust us. What’s a relationship without trust?

Don’t emasculate us.

You know that driving through the woods to get to the dinner that we talked about? Yeah, when we arrive, I know that it’s a funny story to you and it’s funny to me, too (or well, it WILL be months later from now), but don’t talk about it like I’m a buffoon, especially in front of the guys. Men want to feel like they are the MAN in front of their friends. This is why you see so many sitcoms where there male character is egged on by his friends to put his “foot down’ because he is the man of the house. TV imitates real life people. Believe it or not, men don’t necessarily need to be loved, but we absolutely need to be respected. Putting us down in front of others, whether in jest or not, is disrespect.

We are NOT psychics.

Tell us what you want/need. Again, men are simple creatures and when it comes to our girlfriends/wives, we take things at face value. We may sense a bit of attitude and ask what’s wrong, but if you tell us, “Nothing’s wrong…”, we don’t analyze, compute and re-analyze, we just take your word for it and assume you’re being moody or on your period. Seriously. If you need someone to just listen to whatever you’re going through just to vent–tell us that! Men are natural providers and if you come to us with a problem, our brain doesn’t automatically move to sympathy, it’s first stop is to find a solution to that problem. We CAN provide emotional support, just make sure to turn the dial to “Great Listener” before you start the conversation.

Lastly, because we know you aren’t psychic, we will tell you what we want/need. So LISTEN.

I can’t stress this enough: Men are SIMPLE creatures. And we will tell you what we want or need through words or actions, no secret decoder required. Some of us are more verbal than others and some of us are more action influenced. When we say we want to be alone (or for us non-verbal types, “I’m gonna go for a ride/walk”), we mean just that– LEAVE US ALONE! Don’t nag me about distancing myself, don’t keep asking what’s wrong (I’m still trying to figure that out myself) and don’t ask me if I want to talk about it, when I clearly asked for space. I need time to think about if what I am mulling about is worth getting worked up over, or it may be something totally left-field like the fact that I might not be able to make my half of the rent this month and I’m too stubborn to tell you. That’s just how we are.

Now if your man doesn’t want to have sex or spend time as much or not at all, that’s a blatant red flag that he really IS distancing himself from the relationship/seeing someone else/is gay. If a guy is constantly telling you how “fat you are”, this isn’t verbal communication– it’s verbal abuse. He feels insecure about himself and is the type to blame you for his cheating ways, instead of admitting that he is a selfish, spoiled, and relentless asshole of a man-child.

I’m not a guru, nor have I ever claimed to be, but what I will tell you is that these things that I have mentioned are the basic guidelines of a man. Hell, men are alot closer to babies except that in addition to eating, laughing, the occasional puke from eating (usually after a night out drinking), burping and sleeping, we also, dress ourselves (most of us anyway), have sex, work, and don’t cry– because men are not supposed to cry. Just kidding. Sort of. This list is not a “cure all”; every man is different. However, it will help you see what your man responds to better– your method, or my method. Good Luck! – Jason Tambourelli

Cheating Boyfriends: Can I Blame Myself?

Boyfriend Cheated? Learn the little man-laws to keep him happy.

“Why do men cheat? Why do so many women have cheating boyfriends and husbands?”

These are common questions women who have been cheated on need answers to. The answers to these questions seem so important for a simple reason: women tend to blame themselves for bad relationships; it’s a natural aspect of their nurturing characters. It’s not hard for a woman to think she’s done something wrong when things don’t go right, and a loved one is angry, upset or hurt. If her boyfriend cheats, it’s because she’s not pretty enough, not attractive anymore, because she doesn’t give him blowjobs…

… but let’s stop here because this is flawed thinking.

First, it’s a selfish type of thinking. To think you have so much influence and control over someone’s actions that anything they do is a direct result of what you have failed to do is simply ridiculous.

Cheating boyfriends make the choice to cheat – period. Yes, the possibility that he wasn’t thinking could definitely be the case. If you both know for a fact that one too many shots leads him to act out of control, and it results in a one night stand, it’s still his choice. Why? Because he still made a choice to drink, knowing that he can’t control his actions beyond a certain level of intoxication. So even if he says he drank to get his mind off your troubled relationship, he still cheated as a result of his actions.

(And, yes, even sober, enough men – and women- don’t think when they do certain things. Sometimes, people need to see the consequences of their actions to understand that “spontaneous” living comes with a cost.)

Second, it’s his actions and, ultimately, his choice. If he decided that he wanted to get a piece of hot Candy Cottontail, then he made that decision. You weren’t in his head to know his thoughts at that exact moment, so don’t assume you have any direct impact on what cheating boyfriends do at the expense of your sanity. It’s just not worth it. If anything, you can explore why you choose to date men who cheat – and that can make for great self-discovery – but do not allow yourself to feel any type of responsibility for how someone who has free will has liberally chosen to behave based upon their own thoughts and motivations.

What’s Next?

I’d Like to Learn How to Attract a Good Man!

Where Do I Keep Finding these Cheating Boyfriends?

I’m Really Sick of Dating. I Want to Go from Girlfriend to Wife!

Cheating to Purposely Make Someone Break Up With You

You’re not happy with your wife. You know you’re sick and tired of her, and you would really rather not be married to her much longer. The thought of spending the rest of your lives together, while hopeful at first, now throws you into a deep depression.

You feel stifled, hopeless and broken. You want to end things with her, but you know it won’t be easy. She’s going to push counseling. She’ll want to uphold religious views on marriage. She’ll cite something along the lines of, “marriage is forever,” and your families will back this sentiment.

So, instead of manning up and staying true to your desires, you devise a plan to coax her into doing the dirty work for you: you cheat on her. Cheating on your wife not only sends the message that you’re no longer interested in being faithful to her; it gives you hope that she’ll take the required steps to end the marriage and file for divorce.

Yea, you’ll look like a lying, cheating jerk to everyone who knows the both of you, but it’s the risk you’re willing to take to avoid being the one to “stir up trouble” – even though that’s exactly what you’ve done by having an affair to begin with.

If you’re the cowardly cheater, realize that your inability to end things does not make the situation any better for the person you’re cheating on. If your marriage has been damaged beyond any repair you desire to handle, then it’s time to accept your choice to let it go.

If you were cheated on, and this is how the marriage ended, accept the fact that this might have been out of your control from the moment your ex-husband felt this way. As painful as it may sound, cowardly affairs are designed to force your hand. Some people so desperately fear breaking up with the other person that they cannot just cut to the point and end things, even if that’s what they truly want. Sometimes they’re scared to take responsibility for the pain their choice would cause, and instead turn to cheating as an alternative method of communicating displeasure.

Why Do I Want to Understand His Infidelity?

There are so many reasons why people have affairs, and there are many names for these different types of affairs. When Good People Have Affairs discusses seventeen different types of affairs that people have and what motivates them. Recognizing the motives of an affair helps cheating men, betrayed women and those caught in the devastation to understand and resolve the behavior. Simply put, when you know why something happens, and how it occurs, you can take steps to prevent history from repeating itself.

Generally speaking, affairs serve several purposes for people. Even if you discover one reason as to how and why your cheating spouse’s affair occurred, it’s always wise to continue researching and looking into the matter, as it may only reveal part of the story.

Also, understanding why your lover cheated on you may clarify some things that you may have never thought about. For example, if you’ve always assumed that you were the reason he cheated, you may discover (in a somewhat bittersweet way) that it had nothing to do with you. You may instead learn that he simply wanted some variety, felt insecure about himself, had been seeking an illicit way to relieve stress, or always fantasized about having an affair. On the other hand, this may further upset you, and rightfully so, because it displays how selfish your cheating boyfriend was.

Overall, though, it’s important that you keep a clear head and an open mind when you embark on an exploration of your cheating boyfriend’s psyche. Although the discovery of his unfaithfulness is painful, aggravating and enraging, your ultimate goal should be to have a clearer understanding of how his mind thinks. Even if you do not opt to stay with him, you’ll be equipped with the clarity necessary for closure so you don’t bring this baggage into your next relationship.

To learn about seventeen types of affairs that people have and why they cheat, check out When Good People Have Affairs on Amazon.

How Cheating Men Pick Their Women

When it comes to dealing with infidelity and the humiliation that comes with it, Brenda Stone Browder’s an expert. When her cheating husband, J.L. King, revealed the shocking truth of his sexual affairs on national television after years of denial, it took a lot of strength, patience and guidance for Browder to overcome the gut-wrenching pain of King’s unfaithfulness. (King, who has since divorced Browder, admitted that he had engaged in a series of homosexual affairs with other men while married to Browder while on a CNN special concerning down low men.)

After continuous soul searching, Browder eventually triumphed from the broken marriage, and discovered patterns that she and other women who were victims of infidelity shared. Her findings revealed that most cheating men usually gravitated towards women who regularly compromised their needs to put others first.

“You cannot lift someone else up unless you are first on steady ground,” asserts Browder, who has since written and released her book, On the Up and Up, which discusses her recovery from infidelity. “The need to nurture and be there for you mate is natural- but not if it means you diminish yourself in the process.”

Browder generalizes that there are three types of women who are targeted by cheating men and explains why they’re so vulnerable to deception.

Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed – The Naïve Woman

This woman is the ideal woman for a cheater. She has no life experience, and has more than likely had limited interactions with men and relationships. The dating game is new to her, so she tends to trust easily. When she falls in love, she falls deeply and is romantic and devoted to her husband.

She’s so desirable to cheaters because she’s easy to deceive; a misleading, cheating husband or cheating boyfriend wants a woman that’s easily controlled and impressed.  Inexperienced women can be easily trusting of partners, and tend not to question things their men do; even if she does raise concerns, it’s fairly easy for a cheater to twist the truth or manipulate her perception of things to keep her at bay.

Insecure and Self-Loathing – The Woman Who Has Low Self-Esteem

Women who don’t love themselves are extremely alluring to cheaters. A woman who doesn’t value herself is apt to make excuses for an unfaithful man’s behavior, even if he’s blatantly cheating on her. She will almost never accept that she can do better for herself in terms of finding a good man.

Overweight women are often seen in this type of situation. Oftentimes, she’ll enter a relationship overweight and just feel happy to have a man, so much so that she’ll release him of any responsibility to treat her and the relationship in a respectful manner. When he cheats or belittles her, she’ll blame her weight and appearance as an excuse to justify why he’s so cruel to her, and allow it to perpetuate her continuous cycle of self-loathing.

Other women may not be overweight, but for any number of reasons will feel as if they’ll never be able to find another man, and desperately cling to their no-good man by any means. Once a woman learns to value herself in entirety, she’ll realize that any “piece” of a man will never be enough to satisfy her as much as a fully devoted man is, giving her the strength to remove herself from a bad relationship.

She’s Got Something to Hide as Well – Making Her an Equal Accomplice

Like attracts like; women with something to hide may consciously enter into a relationship with a man she realizes is incapable or unwilling to be completely upfront with her. Whether she needs a man to provide for her, nurses an alcohol or drug addiction, or simply wants a tangible exchange out of the arrangement, such women will treat the relationship as a perfect enhancement to their lives.

Hollywood rumors are abuzz with scandals of celebrities who date or marry in order to cover the truth of their lives behind closed doors. Whether or not each and every story is truthful, the fact of the matter is these relationships are nothing more than business arrangements of the sort. Such an arrangement is fine between the two of them if they truly know what’s going on between them – after all it’s their business, and they’re purposely working to keep it concealed; both would have something to lose if the truth were revealed.

What Can I Do to Protect Myself from Being One of These Women?

First and foremost, a woman should learn to love herself enough to know when something compromises her beliefs or esteem. No man on Earth, not even George Clooney, is worth the trouble if his mode of operation includes trampling on your core values and rules for a relationship. As soon as you knuckle up and evaluate what you truly want and become self-confident, you’ll transform the dynamic between you and your cheating husband or boyfriend. Even if the dynamic ends the relationship, you’ll realize your value and determine the split was for the best, even if your heart feels irrevocably broken at the moment by one or more cheating men.

>>>Stop Being His Girlfriend and Become His Wife!

>>>>12 – Step Relationship Detox: Get Over a Bad Breakup!

30 Years of Emotional Infidelity – And He Broke My Heart

I am in healing state.  Things will get better.  However, I would so appreciate some light on how and why a man would do this.  Here is my story….I knew this man for 28 years.  I watched him make a poor choice in marriage.  There was always some chemistry between us.  He is my first born daughter’s god father.  There were times during our marriages when we met and enjoyed being with each other.  We did not have sex.Four years ago my marriage ended.  At approximately the same time, unknown to me, his marriage broke and they bought properties in different states and pretended that he would retire eventually and be with her.

A year after this, he made contact with me and from that moment we were together.  He stood by me throughout the lengthy court case.

He bowled in a club, and never invited me there are his wife was known there and things had not been finished.  I did not know but he had a mixed bowling partner whom he also entertained as more than a friend.  I did not know this.  She did not know about me.  He kept the worlds apart.  I sensed some oddities because I would not see him for whole weekends.  He never asked me about what I had been up to.  He always had to get away to bowls.  He kept his phone close.

He came clean seven months ago and broke up with me.  We drifted back together four months ago under the heading that he was only with me, he was seeking divorce and his properties were to be sold.  He was broke and living with me was what he wanted.  My kids were to be his family.  I met his work peers.  He told them he was going to marry me.  His wife now knew he was seeing me, I had proof of this.

He stayed very close for a month, and I remained very alerted to any odd behaviour.  He presented with it.  He texted in the toilet.  He had to leave when I expected he was staying.  He was not home when he said he was going home.  He had out of the blue invites which he could not refuse and I could not join him because the people came from the club.  He began with mixing with mates/blokes from the club.  He drank excessively.

I found out who I believed the other woman to be.

I visited the other woman and all was revealed.  She was very much the same personality as me, ten years older and not only his mixed bowling partner, his golf partner and lived very close to him.  He had been seeing her and me at the same time for three years.  She is rich.

She finished it with him and so did I.  He apologies for not being able to choose.

Anything you can put forward as to why a human being behaves in this way may help me.

Regards,

Miss Parker,

Short answer: He’s a jackass loser, a user and an emotional abuser. He has never held respect for your or anyone else’s feelings, despite how he acted. His main priority was and will always be himself; the affairs were tools to supply his selfish needs. And he was able to do this because he wanted to and you let him.

The more detailed continuation: This guy’s been entangled in a heap of affairs all along. Yes, he was married to his wife, and you two did not have sexual or physical contact, but emotional intimacy is a core tenet of infidelity. The intimacy he shared with you was also spread out between his wife and the other women you happen to know about.  And there’s no guarantee that he didn’t have sex with them either. I’m sure he was having sex with someone, even if it wasn’t you.

A man like this will always have someone “waiting in the wings”. I’m going to compare his treatment of women to that of a coach and his sports team. He’ll always maintain special relationships with his “star players,” most especially the MVP (the wife). The other members of the team range from benchwarmers (backups) to those next in line to be “up at bat.” But in order for the game to be played, he, as coach of the team, knows he needs more than one player to win. Therefore, he keeps you all in a steady rotation and pulls you in to play as he sees fit.

Initially, I wanted to say that I was sorry that you were a victim of his emotional games, but you were a willing participant. You are as much at fault as this man is. First, you carried on an emotional affair with him for several years. It may not seem detrimental to you since sex wasn’t involved, but looking back, there were roots of romantic intimacy there that shouldn’t have been – otherwise you would have never been “more than friends” after your marriages ended.

Second, I don’t know how old you all are, but at whatever age he is, he has no business trying to move into your home… and YOU have no business allowing him to do so. You both have been doing this dance for close to 30 years, and you’ve let “chemistry” tell you that he’s making poor choices with other women.

Truth be told, you’ve made poor choices for your emotional well-being for decades and you’re moving in the right direction by dropping him. If he wanted you, he’d be with you and none of these funny things he’s done would have been an issue. You would have never watched him marry another woman; you would have been his wife.

As for him, it’s balderdash to believe he’s “so sorry” he cannot choose between you and this other older, richer woman. He’s not sorry for anything except that he’s been caught. She’s another player on his team and financially loaded, which would benefit him for many reasons. This man is a leech, emotionally, sexually and financially, and will continue the next  thirty years of his life as he’s spent the last thirty – building false relationships with women for personal gain and leaving a trail of tears in his wake.

The best thing you can do right now, is to continue doing what you’re doing. Ignore his attempts to communicate with you, make moves to strengthen yourself as a woman and take this as a hard lesson learned that being a willing participant in someone’s infidelity, even if it’s just emotional, is simply a recipe to reap what you’ve sown.

All the best,

Elle P.

High-Risk Factors for People Who Have Affairs

When it comes to affairs, many people don’t realize that there was usually a perfect storm brewing prior to the onset of the affair. Family environments and personal history are highly important factors which can ultimately influence an individual to cheat in his or her marriage/relationship. Let’s explore the dynamics of these influences and understand how you or your spouse can become vulnerable to infidelity.

Pronounced History of Infidelity within the Family

Though infidelity within the family is not a topic of conversation discussed among members, modeling is one of the most powerful forms of behavior known to man. Research has shown that infidelity appears to run down family trees and can occur in every generation if the behavior is observed and imitated.

Even if children are unaware of their family history, the tension, pain and hostility between parents can become a familiar feeling that makes them susceptible to seeking the same things in their own relationships. This can ultimately end up with the adult children living out relationships that magnify this vulnerability within their exclusive relationship or in an extramarital affair.

Single Parent or Blended Families

A family that is missing it’s original nucleus experiences difficulty filling the void that the missing parent leaves behind. Even in the best cases of having a great blended family with step-parents and stepchildren, it can take years before the nurturing and bonding needed from the right figures can be effective. People who grow up in these situations arent aware of what they’re missing and can unconsciously create experiences where they’re trying to fill that unseen void.

Abusive Families and Troubled Homes

Sex and sexuality are very comforting and soothing to men. It’s believed that men who come from angry homes see sex as a reassurant that everything is okay; that they’re okay as a person, that things will be okay in life. Men who subconsciously use sex to reassure themselves develop a compulsive habit of using it as a form of medication.

Biochemically speaking, people report the highest levels of oxytocin, a bonding hormone, after sex with their signficant other. In times of distress and need, most men feel a need or desire to make love to their wives after stress or conflict. Even if nothing has improved, most men will feel everything is okay or better after sex with someone they love and care about. Have you ever felt annoyed that your husband felt sex was the answer to every difficulty or problem in your marriage?

Babies, Funerals Cause for A Sexual Affair?

Family situations and personal challenges are unbelievably influential in whether or not someone is going to cheat, but what about personal risk? Does depression incease the possibility of your husband cheating? What if he loses his job, or someone close to him dies?

According to Christian relationship expert Dave Carders, situational factors definitely influence a person’s potential to cheat on their significant other. “Often there are situational factors that weigh heavily into the initiation of [infidelity],” he writes in his bestselling book Close Calls. “Two of these areas are high-risk times and high-risk behaviors.”

High-Risk Times

High-risk times refer to great times of stress and change in relationships. Many times, these times are life-altering and require major adjustment on one’s part in order to fully absorb the changes that are made to their routines.

Death or Loss

Death of a loved one is a common high-risk time for people. Research has indicated that spouses and couples actually experience an increase in their sex life following the death of a loved one.

Many times, both parties in the marriage or relationship will experience difficulty connecting because they’re both in mourning during this period. They may preserve their energy in order to work through the day instead of expending effort in consoling one another.

As we’ve discussed before, men have a real pattern of using sex to comfort themselves. If they’re not getting emotional support and care from their wives at home, there’s potential for them to seek outside refuge in the arms of another woman, as having sex will still release oxytocin, which comforts them and makes them feel less “alone” in times of need.

Pregnancy

There are several reasons why pregnancy carries an increased risk of infidelity in men. First and foremost, a man is adjusting to the fact that the relationship isn’t all about him anymore; he now has to share the spotlight with another person, his own child. Second, he has to spend an extra amount of time catering to the woman carrying his child for the approximately 9 weeks or so that she’s carrying the child.

To add to this, women usually go through a lot during their pregnancies. Hormones shift and change, and women can become emotionally unstable, sensitive and possess lower libidos, resulting in a lack off sexual desire. In turn, the changes which take place in the female’s body, such as weight gain, make her less visually appealing to her husband, and therefore divert his sexual desire away from her.

Once the baby comes, pressures of being a new parent add strain to the relationship. Many women experience post-partum depression, while others become completely consumed with thebaby and lose desire to connect with their partners. Resentment, stress and the need to “get away from it all” can cause an otherwise great man to cheat – all because he wants attention that he feels is no longer readily available to him.

Relationship expert and author Dave Carder discusses stressful life changes which further influence infidelity in his groundbreaking book, Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage. Click for unbiased reviews on Amazon.

Myths about Cheating

There are many myths floating around the rumor mill about the facts surrounding a creeping partner. Some people say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” But is this clichéd sentiment really true? Let’s reveal some truth and kill a few myths about cheating.

Myth: People cheat because there’s something wrong in the relationship.

Truth: Despite sexist generalizations, people cheat for different reasons.

One prevalent myth is that people only cheat when they are unhappy at home. This is not entirely false, but is not always true either. Women are typically said to cheat because of dissatisfaction, while men are more often said to cheat out of curiosity, or boredom.

While there are plenty of men and women who fit into these thoughts and roles, the truth is most people cheat for varying reasons. A man can cheat due to emotional dissatisfaction and a woman can cheat for sexual variety.

Myth: Men cheat more than women do.

Truth: Women are just as likely to cheat as men are.  

Another popular falsehood about cheating is that men cheat more often than women do. Truthfully speaking, women have become more independent and it has changed the way they view getting a little sugar on the side. Some women even think they deserve to have more freedom because of the high stress levels that come with combining work and family life. Others just feel, post-Sexual Revolution, that it’s their prerogative to be sexually forward with their desires and to chase them at any costs, just as men do.

Myth: Affairs are all about the sex.

Truth: Most reasons for cheating contain an element of emotional dissatisfaction- for both sexes.

Have you ever heard that affairs were purely and physical thing, and all about sex? This isn’t true either. Often times, affairs are means of emotional compensation. Some relationships, without sex are often so emotionally intimate that they are equally as inappropriate as physical trysts.

Now that we’ve gone through one of the myths, remember that there are ways you can work to reduce the likelihood of infidelity in your relationship. Maintaining a completely honest relationship will help reduce miscommunications and hurt feelings. Take time, on a regular basis, to show your partner that you appreciate them.

On a final note, if you have been feeling vulnerable or upset, or have been considering an affair, do not drink when you are in possibly tempting situations. This will help keep you from doing anything regrettable.

Should Elin Have Expected – and Accepted Tiger’s Cheating?

The recent storm of Tiger Woods’ alleged sexual affairs with as many as 11 mistresses has taken the media hostage. It seems nobody expected the PGA’s golden boy to tarnish his squeaky clean image with the possibility of one sexual infidelity, much less the multiple sexual infidelities made public within a span of days.

This all started on November 27, 2009 in the wee hours of the morning. Initial reports stated that Tiger was in a car accident with his prized Cadillac Escalade, damaging property and running into a fire hydrant. Supposedly, Elin “ran out of the house with a golf club after hearing the crash” and found Tiger unconscious with lacerations. Supposedly, innocent Mrs. Woods had no idea that her husband was entering or exiting the house, and was shocked to see him in such a peculiar situation. (Riiiiiight, tell us anything – we’ll eat it up like mother’s Sunday potroast. Not!)

Now, we (obviously) all felt the story was preposterous from the beginning, and felt a sense of vindication when Woods finally admitted to “transgressions” against his family. (Insert scoff here!) As the first mistress, Rachel Uchitel, was outed to the media, she was followed by former Tool Academy reality actress Jaimee Grubbs and 9 others whose careers range from party girls and event planners to porn stars and everyday girls next door.  

While these alleged mistresses are running their mouths and holding on to their 15 minutes of fame, Elin Nordegren – Woods has remained unusually silent about her side of the story. All we currently know is that she’s in talks to have her pre-nuptial agreement revamped to increase her payout from $20 million to over $55 million plus perks for staying with Woods.

Since we cannot get close to Mrs. Woods at the moment, we can only speculate on whether or not Elin knew this was coming. Should Elin have expected Tiger to swing his Cablinasian, Cablasian – whatever he calls himself – club on other open ranges of green? Or was she entitled to believing that he’d have kept his good-old fist pump at home?

Mixed Responses on Athletes and Infidelity

The answer is both yes and no; it varies according to whom you ask. Most people, like Chris Rock, believe that a man is only “as faithful as his options.” Tiger, being a world-renowned golfer with multi-million dollar endorsements and breaking records in history as the first Black man to takeover golf, would be a prime example of a man with an expansive list of options. After all, he’s not the first or the last powerful man, athlete, celebrity or politician to cheat on his wife: many celebrities and powerful figures have had sexual affairs.

Sports writer Jason Whitlock argues that Tiger was ensconced in a “cesspool…[and has] never portrayed himself as a religious holy roller…[eliminating any] reason for surprise about any of this.” Futhermore, Whitlock and other men rationalize that professional athletes and figures feel a sense of entitlement about having affairs; it’s a fiduciary responsibility for the celebrity to attract girls for their friends, even if they’re married, and they assert there’s usually an unspoken agreement that sexual affairs are accepted, so long as the spouse isn’t publicly humiliated by their extramarital activity. In fact, we’ve even read articles stating that Tiger Woods’ Vedic astrological chart inclines him to having sexual affairs, because he has a “porn star planetary combination” in his zodiac charts.

Those who disagree, state that Tiger, like any other man, has morals and ethics to live up to, and his celebrity status don’t supercede his moral responsibility to keep that golf club from swinging in the wrong country club.

“A man with morals, no matter who he is or how many women throw themselves at him, will not concede to have some whore in his hotel room or in his bed,” a dear friend told us.

“Why get married and make a vow of monogamy if you’re not planning to keep it? Nobody put a gun to his head and forced [Tiger] to marry [Elin]!” another lady angrily protested on a webforum.

Some of us have completely mixed feelings. As summed up perfectly by one of our editorial assistants, Elin should have expected it, but at the same time she shouldn’t have to expect it.

“Marriage usually doesn’t make provisions for athletes and powerful men to be excused for humiliating their wives. However, the truth of the matter is that society accepts it, and these women are expected to turn the other cheek and find solace in their husbands’ status and financial stability. Money doesn’t keep you warm at night, but who cares because the prevailing thought is that you’ll at least be able to afford 1500-count Italian sheets to sleep in while your husband’s cheating.”