My Girlfriend Cheated – Sexist Double Standards to Blame?

Women have bitched and moaned about the pains of double standards in the dating game for eons. Your girlfriend is no exception; every time you watch Entourage, she routinely reminds you that Vince’s man-whore exploits are only cool “because he has a penis.”

Honestly, you don’t care about your woman’s psychological torment as it concerns her need to feel sexually equal to you and the fellas. While it’s true that she’s free to get out there and spread her legs wings as she chooses, you’re aware others might judge her for it, yourself included. You don’t want to claim any woman who proudly boasts a bed notch count that unabashedly runs circles around yours. Either way, that’s not your problem, because sexual double standards don’t affect you anyway.

Well, you’re wrong. Very wrong.

Even if you don’t suffer a direct bite to the gonads, double standards can still impact your relationship. While the most commonly known result pertains to your girlfriend’s unwillingness to try that super freaky position you saw in a porno, it’s far from the worst possibility. Under the radar, double standards create a nasty infidelity issue – something that would actually qualify her for the ultimate slut label.

Women who enter into relationships feeling slighted by lack of sexual experience may cheat on the side to acquire it. This might not happen immediately, but it can happen down the line as the relationship progresses. Sometimes you might have something to do with it, and other times, she’s looking to “complete” her portfolio. Here are some examples.

Her Lack of Sexual Experience Left You Unhappy

Sonja knew she was highly inexperienced when she met Mike, and worked hard to improve her skills. Although they seemed to have improved after a few months, Sonja was surprised to overhear Mike complain to his friends that her blowjobs were still horrific. Shocked and resentful of Mike’s confession, Sonja decided kill two birds with one stone. She started to practice her oral techniques on a fellow she met on Craigslist, both to improve her skills and get back at her loose-lipped boyfriend.

She Wants to Up Her Numbers, Hoping it Improves Her Confidence

Most women won’t have pissing contests with each other about the number of guys they can bang. Men, on the other hand, do. But, when a man and his woman discuss sexual partners and experiences, it’s a potential recipe for disaster if she feels she hasn’t “experienced” enough men in comparison to him. The insecurity further intensifies if she discovers he’s enjoyed more wild times (threesomes) as well. In an effort to feel more confident or “keep up,” she might silently add a few notches to her bedpost as well.

She Wants to Have Sex with a Black Guy… and an Asian Woman

Perhaps your girlfriend cheated because she was interested in having sex with another man of a different race. Maybe someone told her that Latin guys were the most passionate lovers; that Europeans were the most romantic. Sometimes, a cheating girlfriend is bi-curious, so she has a lesbian sexual affair– whatever the reason, your girlfriend has decided that she wants to taste a new flavor – and it’s not yours.

She Wants to Experiment, But Doesn’t Want You to Know

All women have shamefully nasty fantasies residing in the deep, dark recesses of our minds. Kinky, dirty things that we’d love to try- like extreme bondage, double penetration or having an orgy in a pool of rainbow colored Jell-O (don’t ask). And as much as we’d love to share these thoughts – and if we’re brave enough, experiences – with you, we know that it would be a “no-fly zone.” Most of us can live with the idea of leaving the fantasy in the brain, yet some of us choose to instead try it out just once… and just not with you, because we don’t want you to think any less of us in the morning.

Avoid Damaged Women… Date Better Women

If you caught her cheating, you may have already dumped your girlfriend by now – and that’s GREAT! But before you get back out there in the dating pool, make sure you continue to avoid damaged goods – meaning another crazy, unstable woman with a vengeance against men or life in general. Sure, it seems easy enough to avoid, but it only takes one relationship with a crazy cheating girlfriend to create a lasting attraction to this particular type of woman.

If you want to attract, pick and date better women with better personalities bringing better experiences and less drama, check out How to Avoid Dating Damaged Women. Written by CNN – featured author Sandra L. Brown, M.A. , this phenomenal dating guide helps you:

-  Identify 9 types of damaged women to avoid early into the relationship

- Why you’re so attracted to them … and why they love you too

- 13 times in your life where you’re vulnerable to these women

- How being Mr. Nice Guy kicks you in the butt when you’re dating them

Stop being cheated on and mistreated by these crazy women – check out How to Avoid Dating Damaged Women and get the girl – or girls – of your dreams today!

Related Reading:

Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-proof Your Marriage

The Rescue You Program: How to Improve Your Life and Reinvent Your Love after an Affair. Workbook 7: Create Peace and Harmony.

Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity

Life After Betrayal: A Practical Guide (The 10-Step Empowerment Series)

The Rescue You Program: How to Improve Your Life and Reinvent Your Love after an Affair. Workbook 1: Shock and Circumstance

Ending Marriage? Prepare for Divorce

You’re getting ready for a long awaited couples-only dinner party with your spouse. As you put the finishing touches on your outfit and reach for your keys, they stand in the doorway with the look on their face, one that signals trouble in paradise.

Caught off guard, you briefly pause and ask, “Honey, is everything okay?”

They shift their gait, loudly gulping for air. “I don’t think I’m going to make it to this party, hon.”

Brows furrowing in annoyance, you’re not interested in any silly games right now, especially seeing as you’re both dressed and ready to walk out the door. “It’s too late for that. Stop playing and get in the car.”

“No. I can’t do this,” they continue cautiously, avoiding eye contact. “I … I want a divorce.”

Your breath draws sharply. You expected any other reason from them not to go, perhaps to watch the game, or simply because they don’t feel like dinner. Yet, deep down you know better.

Deep down, you anticipated this; the day where either you or your cheating spouse would put an end to unhappy, miserable marriage and file for divorce. Still, you can’t help but feel shocked by the revelation. Truthfully speaking, this isn’t an abnormal reaction. Nobody can truly prepare themselves to acknowledge that their “relationship failed,” no matter how long they’ve been unhappy or what caused the split.

After you pick up your face from off the floor, it’s time to inform your friends of the news. While the last thing you want to do is continuously relive the experience, you do not need to be alone right now. Handling this yourself is not the best option, especially for the first 24 hours or so. Besides, informing your best buds keeps you grounded in several distinct ways.

You Can No Longer Hide from the Truth

Once you announce your pending divorce, you cannot take it back. You’re forced to live with and come to terms with the truth much quicker than if you chose to hide and deny that your marriage is over. Although it seems much more comfortable and safe to check out of life until further notice, you’ll only delay the recovery process.

Verbalizing your pain and discussing what happened begins the emotional purging process. The crying fits and wails are painfully dreadful to deal with, but now the truth has been let out and acknowledging the truth helps you remove any denials about what’s happening.

Lastly, you’ll be reminded that you’re not unloved. Your soon-to-be ex-husband or ex-wife may not want to remain married to you (or save the marriage, if you’re the one who requested it), but other people still enjoy your company and their relationship with you.

You might be joining the Divorce Society, but you’re not completely alone in your journey. Plenty of betrayed women have been in your shoes. While it’s not pleasant, you can definitely survive infidelity and divorce, and help is available! Ladies seeking “girlfriend” type advice can check out The Divorced Girls’ Society: Your Initiation into the Club You Never Thought You’d Join, an informative resource that guides you step-by-step through your pending divorce. Click the link to preview the book’s table of contents and first chapter.

Related Reading:

The Self Help Divorce Guide For Men - How To Rebuild Your Life After A Divorce

Conscious Divorce: Ending a Marriage with Integrity

Dump That Chump: A Ten-Step Plan for Ending Bad Relationships and Attracting the Fabulous Partner You Deserve

Divorce: A New Beginning: 10 Guidelines for a Good Ending

Kick Him To The Curb And Keep On Smilin'!: Humorous True Stories Of Ending Dysfunctional Relationships

 Does it Make Any Sense to Get Your Wife Back After She Has Had an Affair?
By Emma Audley

This is a question which haunts many husbands when their wives’ infidelity has made a dent in the relationship. You are overwhelmed by this dilemma – should you or should you not get your wife back – particularly when she has hurt your feelings so much and has played with your implicit trust in her. Such mental trauma is understandable.

But even if you love your wife very dearly, before you finally decide to get your wife back, there are some soul-searching which is required, if you want to put your marriage back on track:

• Is this is the first time that she has had an affair after marriage?

• You want your wife back – but does she also want to get back to you?

• If you want to know how to get your wife back after an affair, you have to know for sure, whether the affair was a fall out of existing gaps in your marriage.

• Did she voluntarily admit to the affair and apologize for the mistake?

• Are you completely sure that your love for her is strong enough to pardon her errant behavior and accept her back again?

When you do the soul searching, on your way to get your wife back you also have to bear in mind the following:

• Obviously, the affair is a result of some existing need gaps in your marriage. She has sought for things which you are unable to provide. These could be anything from mental compatibility, financial security to physical inadequacies.

• If you are aware of the inadequacies and imbalances which are affecting the marriage, are you prepared to ‘change’ for the sake of getting your wife back? Many of these changes could involve completely altering the way you look at life, your habits, lifestyle choices as well as behaviors.

• There are enough instances, where husbands have accepted their wives back, after an affair and they have found happiness and congeniality in their marriage. This is because they have taken the affair as a wake-up call to sit up and notice the underlying problems affecting the relationship. Are you viewing your wife’s affair similarly?

In short, it does make sense to get your wife back, provided you are capable of pardoning her simply for the sake of love and nothing else, like ensuing loneliness, kids, home management, etc. The pardon has to be unconditional and both of you have to work double-time to rebuild the lost trust. Once again, you have to have implicit faith in her and rely on the love and respect that you share. Only then getting your wife back makes sense.

Why is saving your marriage so important to you? Because a good marriage is one of the most treasured of human interactions. It colors everything else around us.

Visit my site at http://www.LonelinessToHappiness.com to find out how you can save your marriage after infidelity and make your spouse fall in love with you again.

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He Cheated on Me… I’m Moving On but Scared to Date

by Lily Eckhardt

I’m newly single after breaking up with my ex-fiance. He cheated on me, and I know that I don’t deserve him, so I’ve moved on. Unfortunately, I’m scared to give my heart again. I’m ready to start dating, but I just feel like men all want one thing: sex… and that I’ll be tricked into thinking every man who commits to me, is only wasting my time and his. What do I do?

He said: The first thing you need to do is to not judge all men the same. Take the men you date on a case by case basis. Try not to bring your old drama into your new relationship. Take it slow and get to know the person, If he likes you then he will wait for sex. Men are scared of being hurt just like women are scared to be hurt. Don’t go into the first date looking for a relationship, like I said take it slow and you will know if he is the one. Make sure you are drama free be for you go into your new relationship. It’s not his fault what all the other guys did. Also don’t go giving your heart to a guy too fast, sex is not love and dating is not a relationship. You will know when its real because true love doesn’t hurt.

She said: Honestly, you are not ready to date yet. If you are not ready to give your heart or take a chance, it’s not time. You were engaged and your trust was betrayed. Ending an engagement is hard enough, but under those circumstances it’s even more difficult. Take some time to get to know yourself again and reconnect with you. Once you are comfortable and feel like you can give a guy a chance without holding things your ex did against him or like you could give him a fair shot, then you are ready.

Once you get there, the best way to find somebody who does not just want sex is to A. know what you are looking for and settle for nothing less and B. take things slowly. You don’t have to rush things, let them go at a nice, comfortable and natural pace. And if all he wants is sex, you don’t want him anyway and that’s no loss to you.

Let yourself heal and take things slow and keep your eyes open. Good luck!

Dating is not always a breeze and having a successful first date is important. As managing editor of TheFirstAndForeverLove.com,Lily gives you practical and entertaining first date advice.

visit us at: dating tips women.

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 Separating after Infidelity

The time surrounding the discovery of your husband’s affair is confusing and can often make you feel out of control. Stunned, confused and angry as hell, you’re left wondering what you should do. Do you try to work it out? Do you just end it all right here and now? Do you go all “Waiting to Exhale” on his cheating ass and burn his belongings up in his prized Mercedes at the end of the driveway?

For some, after cheating has taken place, the relationship is too shaky to continue the way it was before. Yet despite this truth, you’re not ready let it go completely. During this cool down period, legal separation can be a good idea while each person re-evaluates the relationship.

Some couples have found that legal separation is one of a few alternatives to divorce allowing both husband and wife to decide what they want to do. Legal separation is a divorce alternative category where the couple puts their relationship on hiatus. A cheater and their woman may not be divorcing after infidelity or breaking up, but they are definitely not moving forward with their relationship; in fact, they’re actively taking a “legal break,” so to speak, from their marital or relationship status. A period of separation allows a couple to thoroughly think things through about their love instead of jumping to continue or end their relationship.

If you need breathing room while reflecting on the quality of your marriage, his infidelity and all things leading up to this sour patch in your love life, let your cheating husband know and make arrangements. Figure out who will stay in the house and who will move out. Perhaps, you both will just sleep in separate areas of the house. Try to behave civilly to one another, especially if children are there. Avoid expressing uncontrolled anger if you silently hope to work things out and save your marriage.

 A little space away from each other and some time to think may be exactly what the two of you need to stop your divorce and save your marriage with renewed vigor. Take some time, learn about yourself, who you were before his affair, who you want to be after, what you want your life to look like, and then if you can, and only if you want to, find your way back into his arms.

Related Reading:

Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-proof Your Marriage

The Rescue You Program: How to Improve Your Life and Reinvent Your Love after an Affair. The Complete Set of 9 Workbooks.

The Rescue You Program: How to Improve Your Life and Reinvent Your Love after an Affair. Workbook 1: Shock and Circumstance

Unfaithful: Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity

Life After Betrayal: A Practical Guide (The 10-Step Empowerment Series)

A Brave Man Shares His Story About Cheating Girlfriend & Infidelity

I’ve experienced heartache many times in the past but this one is the absolute worst. In the fall of 2008 I was engaged to my then-girlfriend, Casey*. We had been very good friends since we met in mid-2004 and kept in touch throughout the years. This time around, my feelings intensified and we started dating. Although it was long distance, we did what we could to make it work, managing to see each other every few weeks.

For a while, things were alright.  We had our ups and downs like most couples, but we worked things out. In October of 2008, the topic of marriage came up and we made things official. We made plans move in together and she made the choice to move from Florida to Atlanta while I completed my training.

After lots of saving and careful planning, I purchased a ticket for her and secured a one bedroom apartment. Once she arrived, I figured things would only get better, but Casey changed almost as soon as she settled into our place.

Almost immediately, Casey got in contact with a friend of hers named Thad* that she knew from Florida but was now living in Atlanta. I didn’t think anything of it; I figured it would be good for her to have friends out here besides me and her godparents. I welcomed the idea of Thad with open arms- until we met.

I met Thad right after New Year’s and something about him rubbed me the wrong way. He had come over to our apartment complex one weekend. Casey decided to cook. When she left to get some groceries, he turned to me in the middle of conversation and asked, “You know Casey and I are just friends, right?”

Right then and there my whole attitude about him changed. Call me paranoid but I have female friends who have boyfriends and never did I have to inform them that we were just friends – and let’s also mention here that all she ever did was brag about him, which started to cause problems in our relationship. No matter what the hell I said, she would bring him up in conversation and it irritated me to the point where I told her to “shut the fuck up” about him. This became a point of contention between us in the following weeks, and she would accuse me of being jealous, yet go through my phone and pick fights about female friends that I worked with, knew or worked in the training facility I attended.

Although we decided to both work while pursuing our dreams, Casey became very lazy and dependent when she moved up here, and refused to give full effort in looking for work.  Financially, and personally, it took a toll on me, and we began sleeping in different rooms. Our communication dwindled to where it seemed the only time she would talk to me is if she needed something from me.

Dissatisfied with the state of our relationship, I sat her down and we spoke about where we felt this relationship was going. I announced my unhappiness, and confessed to thinking about ending it. To make things worse, I had been temporarily laid off, and while I still able to make ends meet, she had just started working a new job and tried to discourage me about following my dream to be a wrestler as well as waiting to be reassigned at work.

Things continued to be rocky, and just when it appeared we were getting better, it all turned to shit.
I remember like it was yesterday. I had just been reassigned at my day job, and I was happy to be working again after weeks of doing nothing. I rushed home, eager to tell Casey the good news. She was busy talking to a neighbor, so I went to take a shower. I didn’t notice her phone was in the bathroom until it rang, with a picture of Thad and some Keyshia Cole ringtone.

 “What the fuck?” I thought, rejecting the call. I’m serious when I say that Casey never gave me a reason to go through her phone, even after all the “Praise Thad” talk and her suspicious behavior.  Call me old-fashioned, but I believe in the honor system. I trusted her but hearing that ringtone and seeing the picture threw all that out of the window. I searched her phone and found numerous text messages between them, with more than “friendly” messages. Crap like “I love u so much” and “I can’t wait to be with you tomorrow” among other things. As of that second, she and I were done. (Yes, people, text messages will get you in trouble.) After scrolling messages in her phone I came across an email that Thad had sent to her two days before with some attachments. The pictures I saw disgusted me to the core.

Thad’s email contained pictures of them naked in his bed with his penis out rubbing against her among other disturbing scenes. I angrily stormed past Casey, who was now sitting on the couch watching TV, and out the apartment. “After all the time and money invested into doing everything for her,” I thought, “this is the appreciation I get? Her cheating on me with this jackass?”

 I called a good friend of mine to come over and keep me company because I was honestly afraid that I was going to do something regrettable. When he arrived, we walked back into the apartment where I confronted Courtney about everything I saw in her phone. I told her it was over and that I wanted her out of my apartment, giving her a few days before I changed the locks.

Last I heard, she went to stay with her “friend” but less than a month later, he kicked her out realizing that if she cheated on me with him, nothing was stopping her from cheating on him with the next guy.

 I’m in a better place now. I got my life back together after falling behind for a few months. It was a struggle but the second half of 2009 has treated me well. I’m doing shows, loving the bachelor life and I’m thankful I found out about her before we went any further.

My attitude about relationships and marriage has changed drastically but I don’t make any new woman in my life suffer for what Casey did to me. I still believe there is someone out there for me but for right now, I’m focused on me and what’s to come in my future.

*Names have been changed.