Competitive Cheating: Affairs that Boost Sexual Relationships
March 3, 2010 by admin
Filed under I Cheated on Her
Husband’s Cheating Reignited Sexual Passion in Marriage
Daniel and Jennifer have been together for six years, two married and four dating. Even though they really love each other, Daniel feels their sex life has died. Sex has gone from occurring three or four times a week to less than a few times a month. Additionally, the energy and passion isn’t there as much either. Despite the repeated attempts to spice up their marriage, nothing works, and Daniel starts an affair with a woman he meets on Craigslist.
The sex is alright, but it’s still not as exciting as Daniel would like. However, he still continues to see this other woman while he attempts to reconcile his passion with Jennifer.
It’s not long before Jennifer notices a change in Daniel’s behavior, and discovers his affair. While she’s hurt, and quite frankly pissed off, Jennifer cannot help but to feel extremely attracted to Daniel. She hates him for cheating on her, but at the same time she can’t keep her hands off him. Daniel’s infidelity has sparked an intense sexual, romantic reawakening between the couple that has been missing for a long time.
Why Does a Competitive Sexual Affair Happen?
As crazy as this situation sounds, many men cheat on their wives because of the desire to reconnect with their spouses. Relationships are continuous work for many people because they tend to “fall into a rut” with one another and let the sexual chemistry fizzle.
While this isn’t a guaranteed response for every discovered infidelity, it works often enough that most people have experienced it in some form. Perhaps your husband ignores you until he sees another man giving you what he feels is “special” attention; later on, he tries to put the moves on you. Perhaps you notice that whenever another man looks your way, your husband becomes a little more territorial than usual.
There are dozens of reasons why cheating or the threat of cheating can arouse sexual chemistry. Many people cite reasons such as the kinkiness of the situation; fear of losing their lover; or the need for anything to spice things up. One frequent reason discussed is competition; nobody wants to lose against someone else. One cheating husband once stated, “Competition breeds great service.”
Dealing with Competitive Sexual Infidelity
Although the flames of passion have been reignited, it’s not enough to get through this infidelity. Once the flames die down, you will still need to work through the poor communication which eventually led to sexual infidelity. You must handle the relationship with kid gloves now, and work to communicate with your spouse on the consequences of the adultery and save the marriage.
Is Your Relationship At Risk for An Affair Right Now?
February 2, 2010 by admin
Filed under Cheating, Infidelity, Adultery, etc.
Is Every Marriage Equally At Risk for Infidelity or A Sexual Affair?
Everyone encounters temptation, but are you more likely to succumb to infidelity? Is your spouse at risk as well?
No marriage is the same as the next, but certain types of marriages that appear to be more prone to infidelity than others. As we review them, keep in mind that while your marriage may fit into any one of these types, this does not guarantee that it will be wrecked by infidelity. Everyone’s situation is different and must be handled accordingly.
Windshield Wiper Marriages
Windshield wiper marriages are frought with bickering, criticism, teasing and open conflict and anger towards one another. As marriage expert Dave Carder writes in Close Calls, “they are like a set of windshield wipers- close in proximity, but always the same distance apart, never meeting, and therefore avoiding intimacy.”
Both husband and wife may never openly discuss this distance between each other, but it’s a silent understanding that’s maintained regularly. While these lovers may appear to be in a negative love affair, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The cycles of pain and verbal onslaught are comfortable and therefore safe to both parties, making them feel a sense of reassurance.
Although most couples work to move past certain issues, this type of couple works hard to avoid resolution; it would end the conflict. In fact, any move to change on one partner’s side will spark intense efforts from the other to pull them right back into the normal spiral of conflict.
Windshield wiper marriages will give both partners a sense of power within the relationship. If one spouse has an affair, it’s more than possible that the other will elect to have one as well, just to “get back” at them. Additionally, this method of a marriage will allow both partners to contribute to the family lifestyle without interfering with each other’s life.
Dial Tone
Dial Tones are highly predictable marriages which neatly avoid conflict. Both spouses have rigid roles in their relationship and fight to remain steadfast to them. The motto for the dial tone marriage is “peace at any price.”
Carder says that many Christian marriages can fall under this trap, as the couples seek to set a “Christian example” of how marriage and conflicts are handled. However, “the ability to treat each other with mutual respect and to be human and honest with yourself, others and God” is missing from the relationship.
Both partners may feel strangely comfortable in this routine, until that is, a dangerously attractive person appears in one of their lives. Sudden, passionate emotions bubble to the surface for the stagnant partner, and they may feel that they’re “brought back to life” again. If this spouse changes his or her behavior, the other spouse might feel puzzled, and state things such as, “Well he/she never acted like this before!”
If and when it’s discovered that the enlivened spouse has had an affair, it’s very easy for the “perfect” spouse, the one who “hasn’t changed”, to pin the blame on the cheater. But this is incorrect; according to most experts, both parties are at fault for the deterioration of this marriage.
Empty Nesters
Empty nest marriages involve spouses who have put everything to the side for approximately twenty years or so, after having devoted such time to raising their children. Having expended so much energy on children, one or both parents have nothing left to talk about; they’ve lost their spark along the way.
Since the marriage has lost it’s importance during the duration of child-rearing years, the future looks bleak. It’s not uncommon for a vulnerable and scared spouse to act out and seek that spark with an extramarital party. Having no idea of how vulnerable and needy they were for adult intimacy, someone can easily fall into an affair after their children leave the roost and they find it difficult to reconnect with their spouse.
