Sex to Reconnect with Cheating Spouse

Rebuilding your sexual relationship with a cheating spouse after they’ve had an affair can be a difficult situation.  Between the two of you, there’s a lot of emotion, confusion, and self-consciousness that will need to be handled in order to create a safe environment for intimacy.

A Cheating Husband May Use Sex as a Method of Intimacy

To make matters worse, sex will be as much of a rollercoaster as your feelings are. Sometimes it won’t be good enough, and there are things that should (or shouldn’t) have been done. You’ll want him to kiss you there, or not touch you at all. You’ll want him to do it right, or don’t do it at all. There will be times he’ll pull out all the stops short from swinging from a chandelier with a rose tucked between his teeth and you’ll still fall short of bliss.

For most men, sexual intimacy is one of their easiest forms of communication and reconnection, especially after an affair. Sexual intimacy doesn’t involve lots of verbal expression, but it’s still possible that sex won’t be easy for him either. He may miss his sexual relationship with the other woman, even if he’s made a clear decision to save your marriage or committed relationship. He might also find it hard to sustain an erection out of guilt or fear that if he doesn’t perform as you desire, you’ll think he’s still cheating on you. Anxiety can impede his sexual performance in other ways, making him absent-minded and uncomfortable.

On the other hand, he may also pursue you at top speed for sex, as he thinks it’s a method to prove he still loves you. Many women react unfavorably, assuming their husbands see them as a sexual object, but we implore you not to. If he primarily connected to you with sex before the affair, chances are he’ll continue to do so after the affair.

Another challenge to having sex again after an affair is dealing with the other woman. She will continue to be part of your sex life long after she’s been removed from the picture. Your husband may think longingly of her, fantasize about her or desire her and potentially feel guilt about it as well. You too, will think of her, perhaps to wonder how you compare to her, or in an angry manner. When either or both of you channel her mentally during sex, this will bring the passion in your bedroom down.

Talk to Your Cheating Husband About His Affair

On the road to recovery from infidelity, whether a sexual affair, emotional affair or a combination of both, there will be a lot of words exchanged about what happened. You’ll definitely ask your husband questions about his sexual affairs, the other woman (or women) and even confront him about how sincere he is about making your marriage work.

This week, we’re going to introduce a 10-part blog series on several very common conversations that women like you have with their cheating husbands. These conversations dealing with infidelity aren’t always directly about their cheating spouses’ infidelities, but are indirectly created in response to events indirectly affected by their indiscretions.

These conversations discuss a wide range of topics, including how to deal with a husband who feels he doesn’t need to repeatedly apologize about his affair with another woman, handling your emotional upheavals when affairs are celebrated all over TV, and dealing with children acting out when they discover trouble between their parents.

Our hope, and suggestions are mildly adapted from Paul Coleman’s You, Him and The Other Woman’s chapter entitled “Ten Conversations You’re Almost Guaranteed to Have.” If you enjoy what you read during this series, we strongly encourage you to check out Coleman’s book in our Amazon store. Coleman’s book is an excellent point of reference for any woman (or man) seeking to confront, forgive and deal with their cheating spouse’s affair. Each link will be updated as the posts are released daily.

Feel free to comment or reply to this post – we’d love to hear your thoughts.

Infidelity Conversation 1: He Doesn’t Apologize Enough for Cheating On Me

Infidelity Conversation 2: He Witheld More Secrets from His Sexual Affair

Infidelity Conversation 3: I Want to Know Sexually Explicit Details, but He Won’t Tell Me!

Infidelity Conversation 4: His Infidelity and Our Fighting is Affecting the Children

Infidelity Conversation 5: All I Talk About is His Affair; He Never Mentions It

Infidelity Conversation 6: He Cheated, Wants Me to “Get Over It” Already

Infidelity Conversation 7: The Other Woman Still Tries To Seduce Him, I Hate that Bitch!

Infidelity Conversation 8: Our Families Know He Cheated, He’s Scared to Visit My In-Laws Again

Infidelity Conversation 9: Everywhere I Look, I’m Reminded of His Sexual Affair!

Infidelity Conversation 10: Husband Tries Being Romantic but His Cheating Killed My Sex Drive