Divorced Girls’ Society: Book Review

Life was perfect during the days when you were a bright eyed, bushy tailed member of the ever elite Married Women’s Club. Despite disturbing statistics about cheating husbands, slutty mistresses, and divorce after infidelity, you casually dismissed them. Your husband was your soul mate, you said. You both didn’t believe in divorce, and as for cheating? The word was banned from your vocabulary…until it was discovered that one or both of you had had an affair.

Shamed and furious, divorce is the only option. Clearly devastated, it’s the syrupy-sweet, ornately written notice revoking your membership to the Married Women’s Club arrives that you tip over the edge. Filled with politically correct care, the saccharine aftertaste makes you gag as you read, “Sorry, honey. I’m sure you understand. Here’s to hoping true love finds you in the future.”

Divorced Girls’ Society: The Club You Never Thought You’d Join

Divorcing your husband, is a difficult experience, even more-so when sexual infidelity is the culprit. You need strong support and solid advice; you also need loyal friends but find trustworthy ones are few and far between. Single friends empathize, yet don’t understand the legalities of marriage. Married pals, freaked out by the news, avoid you like cheap designer knockoffs they wouldn’t be caught dead with.

As crushed and alone as you feel, you’re not without company; you’ve just passed your personal initiation and are now part of the Divorced Girls’ Society. DGS’ sassy motto “the club you never thought you’d join” is a witty acknowledgment that even though we hope for the best, sometimes we can’t guarantee our own happily-ever-after.

A sassy girl’s guide to managing divorce, the Divorced Girls’ Society handbook was written with you in mind. Based upon the authors’ personal experiences, this enlightening guide provides clear instruction on handling your divorce, life after divorce, and all its related issues with poise and sass, reminding you that there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow if you can only survive the storm. Broken down into several chapters, Divorced Girls’ Society educates you on many things, including how to:

• survive the first 24 hours after the divorce is requested
• know which friends will be on your team
• weed out toxic frenemies who won’t stand by you
• co-exist peacefully with your soon-to-be ex-husband while cohabitating (especially if children are around)
• find an excellent lawyer worth their weight in gold (Hint: avoid the billboards)
• reclaim your individuality
• learn to date and even enjoy sex again

Overall, the Divorced Girls’ Society is an effective tool for any woman who is dealing with divorce, whether they’re considering one, their husband has demanded one, their best friend is going through one, or they’re still dealing with the aftermath of one. Best of all, even though it is highly informative, it still reads as an intimate conversation between friends, and is peppered with tips and tricks for your best friend to help her support you until you make it to the finish line. Check out a free preview and read reviews of the Divorced Girls’ Society here.

Related Reading:

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing

First Aid for the Betrayed

Infidelity: A Survival Guide

Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain, 3rd Edition

Sex Tips For Divorce After Infidelity 

One of the biggest milestones you’ll have to overcome during or after your divorce after infidelity  is finalized is enjoying sex again. If your ex-husband or wife cheated on you during your marriage, sex can trigger several emotional responses including fear of rejection and insecurity, not to mention confusion.

Simple Steps to Setting Guidelines for Sex After Divorce or Breakup

1. 1. Fully evaluate whether you’re ready to experience sex. Are you truly capable of enjoying sexual intimacy at this stage in your life? If your ex-spouse cheated on you, feelings of sexual insecurity after being cheated on may subconsciously plague you, making sex with anyone more stressful than it should be.

2. Know what you want. Do you prefer the casual, emotionally detached nature of non-committal, no-strings-attached sex? Does the thought of a one night stand turn your stomach? Understanding your emotional personality and being true to it will help you avoid unnecessary emotional baggage, especially if you know you cannot handle a casual sexual experience.

3. Evaluate your emotional and sexual baggage. If you haven’t “let go” of your last relationship’s baggage, be aware sex with someone new can trigger more problems. You should also be aware of whether or not your desire to have sex is motivated by the need to feel sexually validated by someone new, or as a means of “getting back” at your ex. Neither are healthy reasons to have sex.

4. Have sex when you’re ready- and with someone you choose to. Pressure to “hurry up and get laid already” from your friends may be an effort to lift you out of your mood, but it can backfire quickly. The best sex happens when you’re comfortable and open to sex, ideally with someone you like and have a strong physical attraction to. Don’t give in to pressure, whether your partner’s or your peers, to have sex if it just doesn’t feel right. It’s not their business anyway. 

5. Be aware of the pros – and cons – of sex with someone new. Sex with a new partner can remind you of how hot and desirable you really are, no matter what happened in your marriage. You’ll be reminded of how sexy and attractive you are; this is always a good thing, especially if you can separate sex from your emotions. However, if you’re not ready, there are tons of risks to having sex again. If you don’t have closure in your relationship, the potential for emotional baggage is high. You’ll also be at risk for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and pregnancy.

There’s no ideal timeline for when it is too early or too late to start enjoying sex after divorce; the timing for everyone varies according to individual needs and desires. Take as much or as little time as you need to, and remember to protect your body, mind and spirit at all times before anything else.

Need More Tips on Sex and Dating After Divorce?

If you’re a divorced man interested in finding true, faithful love after divorce from infidelity, check out Finding the Right One After Divorce: Avoiding the 13 Common Mistakes People Make in Remarriage by Edward Tauber and Jim Smoke.

If you’re a divorced woman who’s interested in discovering great secrets to successful dating after divorce, check out Back on Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce by Ginger Emas.

Related Reading:

Closure and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings

Dump That Chump: A Ten-Step Plan for Ending Bad Relationships and Attracting the Fabulous Partner You Deserve

Divorce: A New Beginning: 10 Guidelines for a Good Ending

Ending Marriage, Keeping Faith: A New Guide Through the Spiritual Journey of Divorce

Divorce How To Rebuild Your Life For Men

Ready to Have Sex Again After a Bad Nasty Divorce from Your Cheating Husband? Think Again

Almost every woman’s had a breakup so bad she swears off men forever. You may have been one of those chicks too, changing your mind after that hot new hunk (and his 12-pack) came into your life. Now everything’s sailing smoothly, until you realize either of you desire to take it to the next level. Or maybe you’re still single, and not really ready to mingle, but you have a particularly intimate itch that’s begging to be scratched. Either way, you’re not sure if it’s time to have sex.

While to most people, the easiest answer is “Just do it,” the truth is, there’s just so much more to consider than whether or not he’ll be good in bed. Here are some questions to reflect upon while deciding whether you’re ready to have sex again:

-Are you ready for all the sexual attachment that may rear itself when you begin having regular sex romps on a “casual” basis?

- Can you deal with thoughts of where he is and what he’s doing when he’s not in your bed or returning your calls?

- Would you consider it cheating if he has sex with other women?

- Did your husband cheat on you? Did his affairs affect how you view sex, relationships and men? Are you using sex with someone else to “get back” at his infidelity?

- If he’s ready to emotionally connect to you, and used sex as a means to seduce you into a relationship, are you really willing to go there?

- Is the person you plan on sleeping with trustworthy?

- Do you think there’s any chance you will regret having sex with someone new, especially if you don’t know them?

- Are you having sex because you truly want to, or because you’re desperately seeking to cure your persistent feelings of loneliness? Are you trying to prove that you’re still sexually desirable?

- If you’re looking to have sex with your ex, how will you handle any feelings of false hope that may arise when your children assume Mommy and Daddy are getting back together? Additionally, how can you be sure your heart doesn’t become involved in the process?

We can’t give you all the answers but, we can reassure you that as long as life is treated like a learning experience, there really won’t be any wrong answers. Don’t let your divorce hold you back from finding and enjoying great sex. Now, should you decide to have sex, it’s only fitting we ask that you be sure you can trust the other person, practice mutually safe and enjoyable sex, and don’t be afraid to say no if you have to. Also, should you decide at any point you’re still not ready, don’t be afraid to focus all that sexual energy on yourself (*wink, wink*).

Related Reading:

Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-proof Your Marriage

The Rescue You Program: How to Improve Your Life and Reinvent Your Love after an Affair. Workbook 1: Shock and Circumstance

The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity

Life After Betrayal: A Practical Guide (The 10-Step Empowerment Series)

The Rescue You Program: How to Improve Your Life and Reinvent Your Love after an Affair. The Complete Set of 9 Workbooks.

Divorce Counseling Can Help You

Going through a divorce can be a hard thing to go through, especially when something as rough as infidelity is involved.  It can be difficult to find the right road and get back on track to a normal and healthy life.  Sometimes people going through divorce find that things are harder to cope with when they are going through with the proceedings.  During times like these, counseling can be an option that helps them feel better emotionally and physically.

Doing what’s necessary to rebuild your life after divorce is crucial.  As a survivor, you must be willing to make the most of your life; if that means seeking professional assistance, then by all means do so.  You need not feel ashamed or embarrassed for this- it’s for your health and recovery, not anyone else’s. You are responsible for making sure that you stabilize your life so that you can find a way to live happily ever after, even if your ex-husband or wife is no longer with you.

There was never a guarantee that marriage would be the answer for happiness. Despite what we’re told, although you are promised the world when you marry someone, sometimes you end up losing more in the relationship, and end up feeling sad and alone if your marriage does not make it.  The divorce may or may not be your fault but either way, finding inner strength and resilience will get you past this rough period. 

During a divorce, it’s normal for people to find usual aspects of their daily routine hard to deal with. It’s normal to feel like being around old friends, family members or dealing with work can be a chore. It’s very easy to feel isolated or alone at this period. You may also find difficulty in taking on the challenges that you were once able to take care of without hesitation. 

This is why counseling is so important; the right counselor will help you smooth over the kinks in the rough patch, guiding you back on track and showing you insights about who you are becoming as a result of this life challenge.

Depending on where you’re located, it can be fairlyeasy to find someone to talk to. One of the best places to start is within your religious organization; counselors in your church or synagogue can assist you with guidance specifically tailored to your religious beliefs. If you’re an active duty military member or ex, you may still have access to Chaplain services, or Military Family Life Counseling. Check with community organizations as well; many times there are community workshops that are available for you to participate in that allow you to share your experiences and gain support.

Don’t forget about your friends and family either. While we understand it’s hard to be around anyone at this time, the team effort of support that you get from your family and friends will be a big help. Having dedicated people willing to help you through the difficult times is a blessing. Learn to accept help when you need it and advantage of all the love and support that they are offering; not everyone has resources like you may. And if you don’t have anyone around who’s interested and available to assist you, indulge yourself in uplifting and inspirational activities that will help you become strong on your own. Check out our resources, especially those in our Amazon store, to help you feel better day by day.

Remember, like all things in life, this too must and will pass. Keeping your eyes focused on what’s important instead of what could have been will allow you to stay in the present and look ahead to the future.

Related Reading:

The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity

Life After Betrayal: A Practical Guide (The 10-Step Empowerment Series)

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

Unfaithful: Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity

The Rescue You Program: How to Improve Your Life and Reinvent Your Love after an Affair. Workbook 7: Create Peace and Harmony.

1. Forgive. Forgiveness is never about letting the other person off the hook; it’s about freeing yourself. Forgiveness, in general, is releasing yourself from thoughts and feelings of vindictiveness, anger, and revenge that bind you to the offense, or wrong, done against you. When you forgive, you allow the weight and pain of what’s happened to you roll off your spirit, freeing you to experience life more fully.

2. Accept and move on. Acceptance of an event means that you acknowledge the situation without attempting to change, protest against or run away from its existence. Accepting that your spouse cheated on you doesn’t mean that it’s okay; it simply means that the indiscretion cannot be undone, and better things are yet to come. See our tips for practicing emotional acceptance.

3. Take it one day at a time. A journey of one thousand miles begins with one step. Your journey past the pain and into a better position begins with each moment. Focus on what needs to be done in the present, give it your best and look forward to the future.

4. Stay busy. If you don’t know what to do with yourself, expend your time and energy with friends and family members you may not have seen in a while. Keeping busy will allow you to focus on everything but the affair. If that doesn’t help, consider volunteering. It’s difficult to hold on to a “woe-is-me” attitude when you’re helping people who don’t have homes, are victims of violence or don’t have a means to get their basic needs.
5. Limit contact. Immediately cease communication with your ex as soon as it’s over. With the exception of dividing assets or determining custody, you should not invite the ambivalence of emotional confusion that would follow if you tried to remain “friends.”

6. Convert negative energy into a positive outcome. While they say time heals all wounds, it’s also important that you use this time wisely. Channeling your immense feelings of anger, hurt and sadness into tasks you’ve put off can help you through the healing process, especially as you move forward. Push this energy into getting back into shape, learning a new skill or developing a talent.

7. Allow yourself room to breathe- and grieve. There will be times where no matter how hard you push, it will hurt. Allowing yourself to release your emotions will allow you to thoroughly purge your system. You cannot put a time restraint on your emotions, but it’s common for the sting to lessen over time. If the pain rages for an extended period of time, you may not have forgiven.

8. Put things in perspective and stop dwelling in the past. It’s fine reflect and theorize why things went sour. Acknowledging what one or both of you may have done incorrectly in the relationship can help you learn more about yourself. But dwelling on the past doesn’t solve anything; those moments are gone forever and they will not help you make the most of your present and future.

9. Don’t try to make sense out of nonsense. There are many reasons why people cheat. At the end of the day, it usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. He cannot blame you for his cheating - even if you contributed to problems which lead to cheating, there is no excuse for it. Your husband should have found another way to handle his problems.

10. Renegotiate on your terms, not theirs. If you do indeed, decide to stay, be sure about your decision. Your partner must earn their way back into your life. Dr. Phil advises that you “renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you.” Be sure to truly develop an idea of what you absolutely need from your partner in order to be happy.

Related Reading:

Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity

The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity

Life After Betrayal: A Practical Guide (The 10-Step Empowerment Series)

The Rescue You Program: How to Improve Your Life and Reinvent Your Love after an Affair. Workbook 1: Shock and Circumstance

Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-proof Your Marriage