Forgiveness is a powerful tool that can transform any negative situation.

The Magic Action to Help Restore Your Scarred Relationship

Throughout relationships, it is not uncommon for people to hold on to and silently grieve past hurts dealt by their loved one without extending forgiveness. Over time, resentment builds up, and, if it’s not addressed and worked through, this can lead to making either party susceptible to sexual or emotional infidelity.

Now, you may think this is a childish assumption, that many people would not make it a habit to let “the little things” get in the way of the relationship. However, the truth is that “the little things” build up hurt and resentment over time. As they get pushed back into our minds, these pains snowball into a big, nasty and even hateful situation.

Before things get too ugly and out of hand, there’s a free gift available to help you thwart the ugliness of built-up resentment known as forgiveness. Forgiveness allows you to let go of the past and work through old hurts in the marriage.

Forgiveness can be difficult, but gets easier with time.

A learned skill, your ability to practice forgiveness is influenced your history of forgiveness. Think back on your previous history with forgiveness. Have you ever been deeply pained by someone who’s refused to forgive you for something you’ve done? What about someone who you may have hurt intentionally, but later deeply regret betraying? Have you ever been asked for forgiveness by people who have hurt you? Have you ever felt the heaviness of holding grudges literally seem to lift from your shoulders before?

Ask yourself if you forgive easily. People who forgive easily allow themselves the opportunity to advance past their current frame of mind and move forward without the resentment they’ve held against others.

When it comes to asking for and giving forgiveness, it will be important that you and the other party come together in agreement to work things out. The offending party is usually the party that people think should start the conversation, but the offended can start out as well, initiating the conversation with a thorough explanation of how and why they were hurt by the others’ behavior.

Should one extend an apology and request forgiveness, then the offended party should honestly answer as to whether or not they can and will forgive them. Even if the answer at the current moment is no, they let the person know that there’s a possibility that forgiveness will come in time. They can inform the other party of the changes they’ll need to see over time in order to forgive and move from there.

Now, forgiveness does not mean letting someone “get away” with what they’ve done, nor does it mean this behavior will never happen again. To the contrary, forgiveness just means that you’ve accepted that the perceived wrongs have occurred against you.

Forgiveness also means that the offending party understands how they’ve hurt you and will not repeat the behavior again with the intentions of hurting you. As expert Dave Carder writes, “Change takes time. Most of us can tolerate hurtful behavior when we see that our [loved one] is working hard at changing the pattern. To the degree you can forgive, you can build respect, and to the degree you can respect, you can build trust.”

Your cheating husband might have been influenced by past events which spurned infidelity.

3 PERSONAL INFLUENCES THAT INCREASE POTENTIAL FOR INFIDELITY

Even with the intense familial factors which can directly influence a person’s potential to be unfaithful, there is still room for personal history and influences to make an impact.

Sexual Molestation and Abuse

Promiscuous behavior following sexual molestation and abuse usually are an attempt to work through the painful experience and shame of the events which occurred. For an abused individual, shame and sensations of pleasure regarding abusive sexual experiences create ambivalence. As a result, they may think sex is bad, and can leave them feeling emotionally unsatisfied during the act. Others can seek out a “bad” person to have sex with (in most cases, someone other than the “good spouse”) and involve themselves in affairs.

Adolescent Promiscuity

Promiscuous sexual behavior in adolescent years is heightened by the feelings of excitement and spontaneity, making those experiences idealized and wonderful. The simple and pleasant sensation seeking experiences in these years are what we most want to experience and long for once we’re older and life is more complicated than we’d like it to be.

Learning Disabilities

High-risk individuals with histories of developmental disability or other shortcomings, like ADHD, for example, have also shown heightened risk of infidelity. Nobody never seems to feel they are good enough and someone always seems to be yealling at them. Life’s difficulties seem to make them especially vulnerable, and therefore cause them to seek out nurturing experiences, even when they pretend they don’t care. They are especially vulnerable to affairs when there’s trouble at home and there are members of the opposite sex who seem to pay special attention to, listen to and support them

Babies, Funerals Cause for A Sexual Affair?

Family situations and personal challenges are unbelievably influential in whether or not someone is going to cheat, but what about personal risk? Does depression incease the possibility of your husband cheating? What if he loses his job, or someone close to him dies?

According to Christian relationship expert Dave Carders, situational factors definitely influence a person’s potential to cheat on their significant other. “Often there are situational factors that weigh heavily into the initiation of [infidelity],” he writes in his bestselling book Close Calls. “Two of these areas are high-risk times and high-risk behaviors.”

High-Risk Times

High-risk times refer to great times of stress and change in relationships. Many times, these times are life-altering and require major adjustment on one’s part in order to fully absorb the changes that are made to their routines.

Death or Loss

Death of a loved one is a common high-risk time for people. Research has indicated that spouses and couples actually experience an increase in their sex life following the death of a loved one.

Many times, both parties in the marriage or relationship will experience difficulty connecting because they’re both in mourning during this period. They may preserve their energy in order to work through the day instead of expending effort in consoling one another.

As we’ve discussed before, men have a real pattern of using sex to comfort themselves. If they’re not getting emotional support and care from their wives at home, there’s potential for them to seek outside refuge in the arms of another woman, as having sex will still release oxytocin, which comforts them and makes them feel less “alone” in times of need.

Pregnancy

There are several reasons why pregnancy carries an increased risk of infidelity in men. First and foremost, a man is adjusting to the fact that the relationship isn’t all about him anymore; he now has to share the spotlight with another person, his own child. Second, he has to spend an extra amount of time catering to the woman carrying his child for the approximately 9 weeks or so that she’s carrying the child.

To add to this, women usually go through a lot during their pregnancies. Hormones shift and change, and women can become emotionally unstable, sensitive and possess lower libidos, resulting in a lack off sexual desire. In turn, the changes which take place in the female’s body, such as weight gain, make her less visually appealing to her husband, and therefore divert his sexual desire away from her.

Once the baby comes, pressures of being a new parent add strain to the relationship. Many women experience post-partum depression, while others become completely consumed with thebaby and lose desire to connect with their partners. Resentment, stress and the need to “get away from it all” can cause an otherwise great man to cheat – all because he wants attention that he feels is no longer readily available to him.

Relationship expert and author Dave Carder discusses stressful life changes which further influence infidelity in his groundbreaking book, Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage. Click for unbiased reviews on Amazon.

3 Affair Components to Spice Up Your Marriage

Spice up your marriage by taking a few tips from sexual affairs. Remember, high levels of mutual satisfaction between affair partners is one of the reasons why cheating, though wrong, can be enjoyable in the moment. When you spend time with someone in a naturally spontaneous, energetic and sensual, exciting environment, it adds a spark to your relationship.

Relationship and marriage author Dave Carder asserts that an affair contains three irrefutable components: adolescent sexuality, adult mobility and childhood magic. Here’s how to include these aspects in your relationship to increase satisfaction with your partner.

Childhood Magic – Take a Whimsical Day Off with Your Husband

Childhood magic refers to freedom of responsibility and fixed routine in your life. Essentially, to capture childhood magic in your relationship, you two will have to whisk each other away into your own little world. Periodically, you need to incorporate childhood magic into your relationship by periodically getting away from your normal routine with your spouse and doing “whatever” you two wish to do. Eat what and where you want, visit wherever you wish and do whatever you’d like together.

Adolescent Sexuality – Recapture Sexual Fever – Make Passionate, Exciting Love to Your Man!

Adolescent sexuality is characterized by excitement, anticipation and spontaneity, “oblivious to the circumstances” surrounding it. Remember when you and your lover first started exploring each other’s bodies? The sex was most likely sexy, lusty, passionate and thrilling; now, not so much.

Add the sexual spice back into your marriage by taking sex out of the bedroom and keep it from becoming routine. Make an effort to seduce or surprise your lover, even when he or she may not do the same for you. A quickie in your car can be highly invigorating to your sex life- even if it’s in your parked car in your driveway or garage while the children are asleep.;-)

Adult Mobility – Plan a Sexy Getaway with Your Spouse

When people have affairs, they sneak time away from their normal lives to see each other, enhancing the anticipation and excitement and increasing the feelings of appreciation between one another. Even if they only have 90 minutes and it’s 30 minutes both to and from their meeting place, the illicit couple will enjoy the precious 30 minutes they have together.

As adults, and couples, we start to take for granted the freedom we have to travel and “do what we want to do.” Travel with your partner on a semi-regular basis and get away with them. Invite your wife on a business trip with you, even if you have to spend most of the day away from her. Book a suite at a local hotel for the weekend, just to have a sense of “getting away from it all.”

CheapOAir always has excellent deals on last minute trips, including booking Hotels and flights to almost anywhere in the world! A last minute getaway might be exactly what you need in order feel the sexy taboo escape usually experienced in an affair.

If you’re interested in something a little more planned and much more sexier and exclusive, why not enjoy your choice of Vacation Rentals, Condos, Homes, Villas, and more at ABetterStay.comhas non-traditional romantic resorts that will blow you away! Check out some of their glamorous getways!

As you can see, it’s not hard to spice up your marriage; it just takes some creativity and know-how. Hopefully these ideas will encourage some sexy, lusty activity between the two of you that can reignite passion that’s just like having an affair!

Is Every Marriage Equally At Risk for Infidelity or A Sexual Affair?

No marriage is the same as the next, but certain types of marriages that appear to be more prone to infidelity than others. As we review them, keep in mind that while your marriage may fit into any one of these types, this does not guarantee that it will be wrecked by infidelity. Everyone’s situation is different and must be handled accordingly.

Windshield Wiper Marriages

Windshield wiper marriages are frought with bickering, criticism, teasing and open conflict and anger towards one another. As marriage expert Dave Carder writes in Close Calls, “they are like a set of windshield wipers- close in proximity, but always the same distance apart, never meeting, and therefore avoiding intimacy.”

Both husband and wife may never openly discuss this distance between each other, but it’s a silent understanding that’s maintained regularly. While these lovers may appear to be in a negative love affair, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The cycles of pain and verbal onslaught are comfortable and therefore safe to both parties, making them feel a sense of reassurance.

Although most couples work to move past certain issues, this type of couple works hard to avoid resolution; it would end the conflict. In fact, any move to change on one partner’s side will spark intense efforts from the other to pull them right back into the normal spiral of conflict.

Windshield wiper marriages will give both partners a sense of power within the relationship. If one spouse has an affair, it’s more than possible that the other will elect to have one as well, just to “get back” at them. Additionally, this method of a marriage will allow both partners to contribute to the family lifestyle without interfering with each other’s life.

Dial Tone

Dial Tones are highly predictable marriages which neatly avoid conflict. Both spouses have rigid roles in their relationship and fight to remain steadfast to them. The motto for the dial tone marriage is “peace at any price.”

Carder says that many Christian marriages can fall under this trap, as the couples seek to set a “Christian example” of how marriage and conflicts are handled. However, “the ability to treat each other with mutual respect and to be human and honest with yourself, others and God” is missing from the relationship.

Both partners may feel strangely comfortable in this routine, until that is, a dangerously attractive person appears in one of their lives. Sudden, passionate emotions bubble to the surface for the stagnant partner, and they may feel that they’re “brought back to life” again. If this spouse changes his or her behavior, the other spouse might feel puzzled, and state things such as, “Well he/she never acted like this before!”

If and when it’s discovered that the enlivened spouse has had an affair, it’s very easy for the “perfect” spouse, the one who “hasn’t changed”, to pin the blame on the cheater. But this is incorrect; according to most experts, both parties are at fault for the deterioration of this marriage.

marriages at risk for sexual affairs infidelities

Empty Nesters

Empty nest marriages involve spouses who have put everything to the side for approximately twenty years or so, after having devoted such time to raising their children. Having expended so much energy on children, one or both parents have nothing left to talk about; they’ve lost their spark along the way.

Since the marriage has lost it’s importance during the duration of child-rearing years, the future looks bleak. It’s not uncommon for a vulnerable and scared spouse to act out and seek that spark with an extramarital party. Having no idea of how vulnerable and needy they were for adult intimacy, someone can easily fall into an affair after their children leave the roost and they find it difficult to reconnect with their spouse.

Look At the 4 Phases of an Affair: How You Can Recognize an Affair in Progress

Dave Carder is an awesome Christian relationship author. His well-known book, Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage, discusses the warning signs and “close calls” that people tend to overlook when they or their spouse has an affair.

One of the topics Carder discusses in Close Calls are the relatively consistent phases of sexual affairs and infidelities. Referring to the phases as a “dangerous sequence,” he explains how things can progress from relatively harmless and innocent to horribly out of control.

According to Carder, there are four phases of close calls regarding infidelity, each one progressively more dangerous and alarming than the last.

Phase 1 is when parties experience a growing mutual attraction for one another. “Most parties don’t start out with an intention to commit adultery,” Carder explains. He states that the more individuals get to know each other, the more the attraction grows. He considers this natural, as he feels that God has instilled a sexual nature in us all. In fact, he believes denying this attraction only “intensifies” the situation, and people are led to subconsciously seek out interactions with those individuals.

Entanglement occurs in Phase 2, and involves sharing the illicit feelings with one another. Any communication with the other party becomes sexually charged and heavily anticipated, whether in person or over the phone and in emails or instant messages.

However, in some lesser aspects, entanglement may be as subtle as dropping hints regarding interest. For example, someone might tell another, “If I weren’t married/engaged/involved, I’d love an opportunity to talk to/sleep with/date/romance you.” Nevertheless, this is usually the phase at which an affair begins, and many times, the parties feel the connection was spontaneous.

Phase 3 is characterized by destabilization. If one or both parties felt their relationship went against their moral code, then there’s potential for them to attempt to stop the relationship. This on-again, off-again quality of the affair dangerously prolongs the relationship and creates unhealthy emotional attachments.

At this point, both partners may feel comfort and security by the presence of the other in their lives, even when they’re not together 24/7. They both desperately feel the need to be desired by someone else, and feel that this is something they no longer get within their primary relationships at home.

When people attempt to separate from each other post-affair and move on with their lives, they still find that they crave the others’ reassurance, and this is what draws them back. Marriages which can adopt this process – the cyclical need and pursuit of each other – can expect to see a healthy change in their relationship.

Termination and Resolution is the 4^th and final phase of an affair. Although it feels that trust and security has been built up between affair partners, maintaining the feelings of trust and safety become difficult. The artificial intimacy build by sexual relationships begins to fade and the passion wanes.

All too often, the affair partners may return to their marriage and realize that the passion they had in their affairs was exactly what was missing at home. Sometimes, they may attempt to bring that passion back to their marriages in an effort to rebuild with their partners. (Many times, experts indicate that unsually spontaneous passionate behavior like this is indeed a sign of infidelity in one’s spouse.)