He Cheated on Me - Now What?! » conversations about infidelity

The Real Reason You're Being Cheated on – It Doesn't Involve Blowjobs

admin — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 04:53:42 +0000

Astonishing Cheating Spouse Secret

Infidelity is a painful occurrence for anyone to experience. The betrayal of a cheating husband or cheating wife drives a sharp stake right into your heart, leaving you shattered and devastated.

After discovering their cheating spouse has stepped out, many heartbroken men and women seek relationship advice. They want to understand, above all, how their husband or wife could cheat on them. “He cheated on me! Why did he cheat? How could he cheat? I gave him everything!” one wife wails to her friends.

Sex is Most Commonly Assumed Reason To Cheat…

The most assumed reason for sexual infidelity is the desire for sex, especially when the double dealer is male. “Oh, men are just dogs, all of them,” some women – and men – reason. “It’s in their nature to cheat, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

But, this “common knowledge” is actually an incredible fallacy. Yes, that’s right, I said this is a completely false “truth” about cheating. Despite what societal stereotypes report, the most common reason for infidelity is not sex. Yes, sex is more than likely involved, but the real reason is even more unlikely than you may think… and it starts in the heart.

The truth about cheating is that it’s not all sexual. Studies by experts such as Gary M. Neuman and Mira Kirschenbaum have determined that unfulfilled emotional needs, not sex, are the largest reason most people have affairs.

Most long-term relationships are built on a solid emotional foundation. Within the early stages of the relationship, the couple establishes intimacy in a comfortable environment that allows them to feel close and confide in one another. As time progresses, and the couple falls into a more routine, day-to-day pattern, they often stop putting in the same effort to maintain the emotional intimacy they shared with one another.

Sex, when it happens, doesn’t replace emotional intimacy in a solid relationship. Sex is inspired by the intimacy (and, of course, the physical connection), and further enhances it, bringing the couple closer. So, when a cheating spouse’s unmet emotional needs lead them elsewhere, sexual intercourse with their affair partner a devastating yet natural progression of their affair.

Now that you’re highly aware of how highly vulnerable unfulfilled emotional connections are to a relationship, it’s time to take action. Regularly sustaining an intimate, supportive and romantic relationship with your husband or wife is the best preventative measure to affair-proof your marriage. However, if he’s already cheated, and you want to fix your marriage, take the time to learn how to win your cheating husband back from his affair.

Types of Affairs – Which One Is He Having?

admin — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 20:50:57 +0000

What Type of Affair is He Having? Find Out Today!

There are different forms of infidelity and cheating. Not every affair is the same, but there are several types of affairs which can be placed into different categories.

One-Night Stands

One-night stands are usually casual, unplanned hookups. Unplanned in that the people may not have known each other prior to that night, but there’s a strong potential that one or both parties had every intention to have sex with someone.

One-night stands are believed to usually involve alcohol and substance abuse. One-night stands are not an attempt to create intimacy with someone else, but are self-serving. While they can be passionate, they’re usually emotionless. It’s not uncommon for someone to experience intense remorse after a one-night stand, once realization sinks in.

Entangled Affairs

These are more long-term forms of infidelity which attempt to fill an emotional or psychological need within the person. It may last for a year or two, and sexual activity may progress later on in the relationship and not exactly at the onset. Combination emotional-sexual affairs are a type of entangled affair.

Sexual Addiction

Inappropriate early sexual exposure is at the root of sexual addiction; it eventually becomes a form of acting out. Experts state this is an outcome of sex-obsessed culture, and the behavior is the person’s method of self-medicating feelings such as shame, anxiety and depression.

Women tend to eat their feelings while men turn to sex as a form of emotional comfort. Thus, most sex addicts tend to be men. Sex is the best anti-depressant to many, at least initially. Over time, the lack of emotional fulfillment can further depress the addict, as the void they attempt to fill becomes harder to satisfy.

People who are truly sexually addicted and desire to break free will more than likely have best results with the help of a 12-step program, like Sexaholics Anonymous, or from a psychologist.

Add-on Affairs

The add-on infidelity fills a specific void in the cheater’s life. The connection is initially platonic, and can start in the workplace or while the cheater’s engaging in a social activity that his spouse has no interest in. Common leisure activities where these relationships can happen include sports, religious worship and study and even hiking or camping.

Instead of being highly passionate and seen as emotionally charged, the emotional connection observed is moreso one of friendship. It’s not uncommon for the sex in add-on affairs to be unsatisfying; usually, it’s done for the sake of satisfying the other and can be quite infrquent in occurrence. Over time, the add-on affair robs the marriage or primary relationship of emotional intimacy and connection.

Infidelity Isn't Only A Term for Married Couples

admin — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 07:50:34 +0000

Defining Infidelity – Is it Only for Married Couples?

cheating spouses, cheating signs, cheating, cheaters, adultery, cheating on wife, my cheating, relationship, the other woman, online affair

[/caption]

There are so many discussons on what it means to cheat, as well as what, specifically, cheating is.

As explained by Don-David Lusterman, Ph.D., infidelity is the “breaking of trust.” In his book, Infidelity: A Survival Guide, Lusterman states, “Infidelity occurs when one partner in a relationship continues to believe that the agreement to be faithful I still in force, while the other is secretly violating it.”

Now, many people reason that the only relationship worthy of fidelity and faithfulness is marriage. After all, when you marry someone you’re making a public commitment to them; marriage isn’t only a public commitment, it’s a legally binding one that can only be dissolved through death or divorce. Other relationships can be long-term and monogamous, but there are no legal obligations for participating parties to remain steadily involved.

This type of rationalization makes a lot of sense for most people; why treat your relationship like a written contract when there’s nothing but a verbal agreement?

At the end of the day, however, this argument is still not enough to excuse infidelity within a committed relationship. Not every relationship will be legally entitled to marriage, but as long as both parties made an exclusive agreement to remain faithful to one another, then there’s an expectation for this agreement to be honored.

Therefore, if you’re going to talk the talk – and commit yourself to somebody exclusively – then you need to walk the walk and do what’s necessary to adhere to that commitment. A commitment to monogamy is a serious one that deserves respect, regardless of it’s legally respected or not. Using the fact that you’re not married to downplay infidelity is not only crass, but shows you’re not an honorable individual, especially where it matters most.

Tiger Woods' Sexual Affairs Written in the Stars?

admin — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 07:30:00 +0000

Can Astrology Predict Sexual Infidelity and Affairs?

According to Vedic astrologer Carol Allen, our birth signs and astrological charts can be a predictable method of determining whether or not a man will be unfaithful, have a high sex drive, or otherwise have a problem lusting after other women. Below is an email she sent out right after the Tiger Woods infidelity scandal broke. Within this email, Alt discusses what she calls Woods’ “porn star planetary combination” that made him prone to the scandalous and torrential sexual affairs he jeopardized his marriage and family for. After reading, tell us what you think – Do you agree that this can justify what Woods did?

Tiger Woods’ Sexual Affairs Were Destined in Vedic Astrology

When the David Letterman scandal hit, a professional women’s chat group I’m part of

went crazy with posts full of outrage and frustration.

A common refrain was, “Doesn’t ANYBODY keep it in their pants anymore?”

The good news? There are MANY faithful men in the world… and research shows that
FAR more married men are faithful than not.

But it’s EASIER for some men than others to “keep it in their pants…” and it can
actually be seen in the stars!

Believe it or not, there are some sub-signs (smaller signs within the signs of the zodiac) that incline a man (or woman!)

to give in to temptation.

And the more a man’s astrological chart is made up of these sub-signs, the more
likely he is to be “weak” in this way…

Do you want to hear something CRAZY???

When I was studying astrology, I was so lucky in that there were several fantastic
Vedic astrologers that all lived in Los Angeles and gave weekly classes.

One of these teachers (my dear friend, brilliant astrologer Steve Stuckey) used
to love looking at the charts of celebrities.

One night he put the chart of Tiger Woods up for all of us to see, and he said
something amazing that’s come true now, years later…

He said, “Tiger’s downfall will be loose women.”

How was he so right on? How could he see such a thing?

Easy…

This same astrologer taught us how to recognize what he called “the porn star planetary
combination.”

It’s a specific combination of the planet of passion (Mars), with the planet of sex
(Venus), with the indicator of the emotions (the Moon).

When a person has Mars, Venus, and the Moon all in some kind of strong relationship
to each other they’ll be HIGHLY sexual… and prone to IMPULSIVE sexual relationships.

And, yup – you guessed it. Tiger’s chart has such a thing.

According to the calculations of Vedic astrology (which differ from those of Western
astrology by almost an entire sign) he has the planet Mars in the sign of Taurus (a
Venus-ruled sign) opposite the planet Venus and the Moon in Scorpio (a Mars-ruled sign).

That’s right – Venus and the Moon BOTH fall in the sign of Scorpio – which is
considered the LUSTIEST sign of all anyway, as it’s the natural eighth sign, the sign
of SEX.

(Scorpio is even considered to rule the genitals in medical astrology).

So Tiger’s wife can comfort herself that his “wandering ways” are NOT her fault.

Tiger would likely wander NO MATTER who he’s with.

His sexual appetite would overwhelm him.

Throw on top of that the fact that he’s an attractive BILLIONAIRE with worldwide
fame who’s often away from home, and you have the recipe for marital disaster…

Sigh.

If we look deeper at his chart, it gets even more interesting.

In Vedic astrology (the system of ancient India, believed to be the very first system
of astrology), there are twenty-seven smaller, more psychologically powerful signs than the
“normal” signs we all know.

These twenty-seven signs are THE MOST important thing to look to when trying to
deeply understand a person and compatibility in relationships.

When looking at Tiger’s Sun, Moon, and rising sign Vedic signs, it’s incredible to see
that ALL THREE are extremely sexually powerful, and are noted for sexual indulgence and
scandals. (As well as success!)

Check it out…

Tiger’s Vedic Moon sign is called Jyeshtha. This constellation is associated with the Vedic
deity Indra who is similar to the Roman God Zeus, noted for his daring deeds, power, fame, glory,
and lothario ways…

I share in my “Signs of Compatibility” program that the themes of betrayal, abandonment,
and jealousy can play out in the lives of those born with the Moon here.

In fact, one of the names of this sign is “the two-faced man” – because those born here
can be hypocritical or secretive.

(They’re also typically the most successful in their family and are known to be heroes,
and achieve an exalted position in life. Albert Einstein had his Moon here – and his
two marriages were fraught with indiscretions and drama…)

Tiger’s Vedic Sun sign is called Purva Ashadha. Amazingly, Purva Ashadha is translated
to mean “the invincible star, the undefeated, the unsubdued” which has contributed to his
unbelievable athletic success, as it’s all about having victory in struggles and
confrontations.

This sign is associated with tremendous popularity and is noted for making people
successful at an early age.

(By the age of three Tiger was on television playing golf with Bob Hope on the “Mike
Douglas Show,” by the age of five he was featured in “Golf Digest” and by twenty-five
he was already an international sensation with over $100 in endorsement deals…)

But on the downside, it’s noted for sexual obsessions or excesses.

Tiger’s rising sign Vedic sign is called Uttaraphalguni.

I am not making this up – it’s symbolized by a bed!

This sign is noted for the accumulation of wealth and also contributes to Tiger’s
incredible popularity, as people born in this sign are generally liked by all, and
live a life in comfort and luxury.

On the downside, they don’t like to be alone, so may be in and out of relationships,
and have a tendency to be sexually indiscreet.

It takes having several factors like this to make someone prone to affairs. (So
don’t freak out if your guy has just ONE of these things… or if YOU do…)

It’s Tiger’s Vedic signs, on TOP of his INTENSE “porn star” celestial combination
that ensured it was only a matter of time before his roving eye was common knowledge.

(And besides, his name is TIGER…)

But seriously, I don’t mean to make fun of any of this… and I sincerely wish he and
his family well.

I just LOVE to point out the POWER of the stars to shape personality and behavior.

Especially the power of the Vedic signs.

They are SOOO accurate!

If you enjoyed this reading, then check out Carol Allen’s e-book Love is in the Stars. To learn more about Vedic astrology and dating, check out reviews of the book Love Is in the Stars: Wicked and Uncensored Astrology Advice for Getting the (Almost) Perfect Guy

Discovering Other Woman in Husband's Infidelity

admin — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:32:46 +0000

The Other Woman In Our Cheating Men’s Sexual Affairs

As women, when we are cheated on, we feel degraded and humiliated. We are shocked, and at times, even embarrassed or ashamed. Usually, we’re quite pissed as well. When you’re faced with such a highly volatile situation, it’s easy to simply see red and share your anger. Despite the fact that she owes us nothing, we usually end up blaming and unleashing our wrath on “The Other Woman.”

Discovering Your Man’s Other Woman

Who is the “other woman”? Well, basically speaking, she’s the woman getting the inappropriate attention from your partner, the woman whom he’s funneling energy outside of your relationship for. Your husband’s attention toward her can be sexual, emotional, or a combination of both; it all depends on the nature and status of their relationship with each other.

The Other Woman is Not To Blame – It’s Your Cheater

We admit, it’s just too easy to become angry with this “bitch” as we see her, but the real problem doesn’t lie with her. It stems from your cheating husband or boyfriend. Oftentimes, your man’s side chick wasn’t made aware that he had you as his main lady, and once she finds out, she’s usually just as shocked and hurt by his deception as you are. It would help to remember this, as you don’t want to lash out at her when she’s in the same predicament that you are. (Now if she did know, but persisted to get with him anyway…)

When the Other Woman is Someone You Know

If you find out his mistress is your friend or family member, then take a breath. At this point, anger is understandable. You’ll definitely need to assess your relationship with her by itself, and separately from the conversations you will have with your cheating spouse or lover. Chances are, she never respected her friendship with you from the beginning, or she suffers from any number of peculiar issues. Confront her if you must, but don’t excuse her like you would a woman you never would. The relationship, whether friend or family, may never be the same regardless, as trust and deep bonds have been destroyed.

Dealing with Your Man Post-Infidelity

Moving on from infidelity usually isn’t easy. It takes time, patience and strength. Whether you stay with your husband or boyfriend, or choose to move on with another beau of choice, you’ll need to take time to emotionally accept and understand the infidelity. Perhaps you’ll want to discuss why your man felt the need to cheat and whether you could have helped prevent it, or you may just want to go out for coffee with the other woman and see what she did that you didn’t. Or you may realize that he was just going through things and used adultery as a method of dealing with it (however poor a choice that was). Either way, realize that you have a choice in how to maneuver from this situation now that everything’s on the table.

Tiger Woods' Sexual Affairs: Should Elin Have Any Right To Be Angry?

admin — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 06:16:24 +0000

Should Elin Have Expected Tiger to Cheat?

The recent storm of Tiger Woods’ alleged sexual affairs with as many as 11 mistresses has taken the media hostage. It seems nobody expected the PGA’s golden boy to tarnish his squeaky clean image with the possibility of one sexual infidelity, much less the multiple sexual infidelities made public within a span of days.

This all started on November 27, 2009 in the wee hours of the morning. Initial reports stated that Tiger was in a car accident with his prized Cadillac Escalade, damaging property and running into a fire hydrant. Supposedly, Elin “ran out of the house with a golf club after hearing the crash” and found Tiger unconscious with lacerations. Supposedly, innocent Mrs. Woods had no idea that her husband was entering or exiting the house, and was shocked to see him in such a peculiar situation. (Riiiiiight, tell us anything – we’ll eat it up like mother’s Sunday potroast. Not!)

Now, we (obviously) all felt the story was preposterous from the beginning, and felt a sense of vindication when Woods finally admitted to “transgressions” against his family. (Insert scoff here!) As the first mistress, Rachel Uchitel, was outed to the media, she was followed by former Tool Academy reality actress Jaimee Grubbs and 9 others whose careers range from party girls and event planners to porn stars and everyday girls next door.

While these alleged mistresses are running their mouths and holding on to their 15 minutes of fame, Elin Nordegren – Woods has remained unusually silent about her side of the story. All we currently know is that she’s in talks to have her pre-nuptial agreement revamped to increase her payout from $20 million to over $55 million plus perks for staying with Woods.

Since we cannot get close to Mrs. Woods at the moment, we can only speculate on whether or not Elin knew this was coming. Should Elin have expected Tiger to swing his Cablinasian, Cablasian – whatever he calls himself – club on other open ranges of green? Or was she entitled to believing that he’d have kept his good-old fist pump at home?

Mixed Responses on Athletes and Infidelity

The answer is both yes and no; it varies according to whom you ask. Most people, like Chris Rock, believe that a man is only “as faithful as his options.” Tiger, being a world-renowned golfer with multi-million dollar endorsements and breaking records in history as the first Black man to takeover golf, would be a prime example of a man with an expansive list of options. After all, he’s not the first or the last powerful man, athlete, celebrity or politician to cheat on his wife: many celebrities and powerful figures have had sexual affairs.

Sports writer Jason Whitlock argues that Tiger was ensconced in a “cesspool…[and has] never portrayed himself as a religious holy roller…[eliminating any] reason for surprise about any of this.” Futhermore, Whitlock and other men rationalize that professional athletes and figures feel a sense of entitlement about having affairs; it’s a fiduciary responsibility for the celebrity to attract girls for their friends, even if they’re married, and they assert there’s usually an unspoken agreement that sexual affairs are accepted, so long as the spouse isn’t publicly humiliated by their extramarital activity. In fact, we’ve even read articles stating that Tiger Woods’ Vedic astrological chart inclines him to having sexual affairs, because he has a “porn star planetary combination” in his zodiac charts.

Those who disagree, state that Tiger, like any other man, has morals and ethics to live up to, and his celebrity status don’t supercede his moral responsibility to keep that golf club from swinging in the wrong country club.

“A man with morals, no matter who he is or how many women throw themselves at him, will not concede to have some whore in his hotel room or in his bed,” a dear friend told us.

“Why get married and make a vow of monogamy if you’re not planning to keep it? Nobody put a gun to his head and forced [Tiger] to marry [Elin]!” another lady angrily protested on a webforum.

Some of us have completely mixed feelings. As summed up perfectly by one of our editorial assistants, Elin should have expected it, but at the same time she shouldn’t have to expect it.

“Marriage usually doesn’t make provisions for athletes and powerful men to be excused for humiliating their wives. However, the truth of the matter is that society accepts it, and these women are expected to turn the other cheek and find solace in their husbands’ status and financial stability. Money doesn’t keep you warm at night, but who cares because the prevailing thought is that you’ll at least be able to afford 1500-count Italian sheets to sleep in while your husband’s cheating.”

Sex After the Affair: Emotional Acceptance is Key

admin — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 02:09:12 +0000

Learn to Have Sex With Your Husband & Save Your Marriage

Sex after an affair can reconnect you, or instill anxiety

Having sex after an affair is a difficult and awkward experience, wrecked with anxiety and confusion. Throughout the experience, you’ll experience a range of emotions that are incoherent and unpredictable, and pull your cheating spouse along for the ride. One night, you’ll pull your cheating husband closer; the next day you’ll push him away and withdraw. He’s annoyed and confused, but so are you. You wonder, “How am I supposed to do this again? How can I enjoy sex with a husband who cheated and feel normal?”In order to break past your barriers and this issue, you must completely accept these crazy ups and downs and the anxiety. Completely accepting that all of your hopes, fears, actions, thoughts and emotions will be jumbled, confused and anything but neatly organized will allow you to find a sense of peace within the turmoil. Allow all of these crazy emotions and feelings to coexist within you for now, and don’t make any excuses for it. Don’t oversimplify anything you’re feeling, and don’t discredit one emotion when the opposite emotion arises within you. Understand that fear may be ruling your judgment at the moment and allow all your beliefs to be what it is.

In You, Him and the Other Woman: Break the Love Triangle and Reclaim Your Marriage, Your Love, and Your Life , Dr. Paul Coleman states that allowing yourself to feel the full spectrum of your emotions and dealing with them effectively is more important than your choice to have sex.

Should you choose to have sex with your wayward spouse after he’s had a sexual affair, you can communicate your mixed emotions while asserting your decision. You can say, “I desire to intimacy with you and we’ll have sex but my heart is all over the place. I might not feel as intimate or close to you after we’ve made love, but I still want to do this.”

If you’re not interested in having sex, you can state the following: “I really want to enjoy sex with you again, but only when I feel comfortable and ready to do so. Right now, I’m not really feeling this, so let’s pass for now.”

At this stage of the game, while you’re trying to sort out your relationship and save your marriage, it’s incredibly important to accept your feelings without trying to discredit them with logic. You don’t have to express your wide range of feelings all the time; it’s actually prudent to restrain from acting on all your feelings at various times in order to keep your husband from pulling back from the relationship. (If he thinks he’s being rejected, he’ll pull back from you and you’ll take this as a sign he doesn’t care.) Make the best decision you can at the moment while still giving indications that you’re walking on eggshells and acknowledge that he’s doing the best he can.

To learn more about what you can to do to recover from infidelity and save your marriage, check out You, Him and the Other Woman: Break the Love Triangle and Reclaim Your Marriage, Your Love, and Your Life and read what others have been saying about it.

Infidelity Conversations 10: My Husband's Affair Killed My Sexual Desire For Him

admin — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 07:21:11 +0000

My Heart’s Not in Saving the Marriage

In an effort to rebuild your marriage, your husband whisks you off on an exotic getaway. He’s putting all his effort into saving your marriage and stopping divorce in its tracks but you can’t seem to get excited by his attempts to rekindle the flame. As a result, he becomes highly frustrated that your heart’s not in it and starts wondering why he’s bothering in the first place.

Your husband’s efforts aren’t completely in vain, yet they are a hasty effort to move the affair out of your relationship’s pathway; his trip is an effort to put the past behind him and make rapid progress.

At the same time, nobody can blame you if you can’t help but avoid feeling excited about your wayward spouse’s efforts to re-ignite the flame in your marriage; after all, you’re actually seeking to avoid getting so excited by this move that your husband settles the affair as a small bump in your marriage.

Move past this road block by discussing the need for acceptance on both sides. Your husband will need to accept that his infidelity affected your desire for him, and a romantic trip, no matter how passionate, will not easily replace the diminished attraction to him. Also explain that you have to learn to accept that he’s trying to improve the state of your marriage and assist in helping you move past the affair as a couple. Remind him that just because you intend to have a good time on your trip does not mean all is forgotten and you need time to move at your own pace.

Do not get into a debate about how you or your husband should feel, but instead allow each other to fully feel whatever it is each person is feeling at the moment. Honoring each other’s true feelings about the situation makes for a respectful interaction which assists in restoring honor for both partners in the relationship. Successful practice of emotional acceptance and respecting the other party’s feelings also results in the you and your husband being able to feel safe in sharing more intimate thoughts and feelings within the relationship.

Infidelity Conversations 9: Everything Reminds Me that He Cheated on Me

admin — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 07:35:40 +0000

Constantly Reminded of Husband’s Love Affair by TV, Movies and Celebrity Scandals

Everytime another celebrity is cheated on, it simply reminds you that he cheated on you too.

[/caption]

You two are on the couch or at the movies when one of the characters has a sexual affair with her lover while her devoted fiancé is out of town, or you read the latest celebrity gossip and discover another rock star having an affair. You’re instantly triggered to think about your husband’s cheating and the effect it has on you. “Dammit, everyone’s having an affair these days, huh?”

There’s no doubt about it, the entertainment business loves infidelity scandals for ratings and attention, and nothing serves up scandal quite like an affair. Unfortunately, one person’s juicy buzz is your painful trigger about the hell you went through dealing with infidelity. These moments will spring up on you when you least expect it, and linger no matter how much you tell yourself to ignore it.

If your cheating husband is there, he may freeze up, or seem unsupportive when he also tells you not to let it get to you when you mention it. Easy for you to say, you think, remembering all the crushing details as they press down upon your heart while you get the beginnings of a migraine. If you’re emotionally triggered, his behavior and the movie can easily push you to become confrontational.

Ideally, your husband’s response wouldn’t be so frozen; he’d understand exactly what you’re going through and respond in a kind, loving manner that would put you at ease, especially since he knows he’s part of the reason you’re feeling so low. But he can’t – his head-in-the-sand approach is his way of staying out of hot water since he doesn’t know how to handle this situation.

Don’t be afraid to tell your husband exactly what you need him to do during these awkward and rough moments, especially since he’s too afraid to take chances and guess. If you need him to silently comfort you with a hug and a kiss, tell him. If you need him to reassure you of his renewed promise of faithfulness and commitment, then do so as well. He can’t help you if you don’t teach him how to.

Infidelity Conversations 8: Dealing with Infidelity, Cheating Spouse and In-Laws

admin — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:13:56 +0000

“Cheating Spouse Doesn’t Want to Visit My Family”

You may have forgiven your husband for his cheating, but it doesn't mean that they have.

[/caption]

Both your families know about your man’s infidelity, as you made sure everyone knew how much of a dog he was when he cheated on you. Despite the fact that you’ve taken him back and feel that all is now well, or on the way to being well, he shies away from attending large family gatherings with you because he doesn’t want to deal with the possibility that they’ve grown to hate him.

Aside of the fact your husband never wanted you to catch him cheating, he definitely never had any plans for your family to know of his bad behavior as well. It also goes without saying that he’s not appreciative of the fact that they seem to know so much about his affair either. Unfortunately, the holidays are coming (Thanksgiving is only one week away!) and you must make a decision about whether or not he should bite the bullet and re-establish his relationship with your relatives.

In such a situation, it’s best not to pressure him to make any appearances with you at family gatherings. Leave him at home until you two are somewhat solid again. Waiting until your relationship’s on more stable ground allows you both to deal with the awkwardness of that first time back around your family- and no matter what, that first time will be awkward.

It’s okay for both of you to address your concerns about the upcoming family affair if necessary. Should you discover that he’s more upset with the fact that you’ve exposed the affair than anything, then it’s not an excuse. While he may be correct in that it might not have been appropriate to tell every detail to your parents, he’ll need to get over the fact that his infidelity is common knowledge the same way he wants you to get over the fact that he cheated on you to begin with.

Try to soften the awkwardness of the situation by speaking with your family beforehand. Ask them to remain supportive of your decision by being courteous to your husband for the sake of saving your marriage. Encourage your husband to reach out and try to re-establish relationships with your family and smile and be supportive of him in front of your family. Even if nobody personally supports your decision, they should love you enough to extend the olive branch to your husband.

He Cheated on Me - Now What?! » conversations about infidelity

The Real Reason You're Being Cheated on – It Doesn't Involve Blowjobs

Astonishing Cheating Spouse Secret

Sex is Most Commonly Assumed Reason To Cheat…

Related Reading:

Types of Affairs – Which One Is He Having?

What Type of Affair is He Having? Find Out Today!

Related Reading:

Infidelity Isn't Only A Term for Married Couples

Defining Infidelity – Is it Only for Married Couples?

Related Reading:

Tiger Woods' Sexual Affairs Written in the Stars?

Can Astrology Predict Sexual Infidelity and Affairs?

Tiger Woods’ Sexual Affairs Were Destined in Vedic Astrology

Related Reading:

Discovering Other Woman in Husband's Infidelity

The Other Woman In Our Cheating Men’s Sexual Affairs

Discovering Your Man’s Other Woman

The Other Woman is Not To Blame – It’s Your Cheater

When the Other Woman is Someone You Know

Dealing with Your Man Post-Infidelity

Related Reading:

Tiger Woods' Sexual Affairs: Should Elin Have Any Right To Be Angry?

Should Elin Have Expected Tiger to Cheat?

Mixed Responses on Athletes and Infidelity

Related Reading:

Sex After the Affair: Emotional Acceptance is Key

Learn to Have Sex With Your Husband & Save Your Marriage

Sex after an affair can reconnect you, or instill anxiety

Related Reading:

Infidelity Conversations 10: My Husband's Affair Killed My Sexual Desire For Him

My Heart’s Not in Saving the Marriage

Related Reading:

Infidelity Conversations 9: Everything Reminds Me that He Cheated on Me

Constantly Reminded of Husband’s Love Affair by TV, Movies and Celebrity Scandals

Related Reading:

Infidelity Conversations 8: Dealing with Infidelity, Cheating Spouse and In-Laws

“Cheating Spouse Doesn’t Want to Visit My Family”

Related Reading: