Recently I participated in what I suppose you’d call “group sex” (orgy just sounds dirty). I was hanging out with friends (drinking) and it just kind of happened, and it was definitely a heck of an experience. There were three girls (including myself) and 2 guys. The guys
kept their pants on at all times.

I’ve been in a committed relationship now for almost 4 years, and my boyfriend says that this means I cheated on him. I’m not sure what to think about that.

I am a very sexual person and my boyfriend is less so. Sometimes I’ll be at a party, feeling a little drunk and a little horny, and I’ll text him and tell him what I’m feeling and what I’d like to do. He tells me what he is comfortable with, and I abide by those guidelines. This means sometimes I will flirt with boys, dance with them or even kiss them, but only when my boyfriend says he is okay with it.  This night that I’m talking about I knew my boyfriend was out cold after pulling an all-nighter the night before so I knew I couldn’t talk to him, and to be honest I was rather caught up in the goings-on and not reeeeeally thinking about it.

A lot of what’s been said on this site has to do with deception and dishonesty. However I texted my boyfriend the next morning telling him we needed to talk, and when he came over that afternoon I told him everything that happened and was completely honest about it.

He maintains that I cheated and he feels betrayed. I think because he had been open to those small things in the past I somehow thought that he would be okay with this (though upset at first) but that doesn’t seem to be the case. He is upset a) that other men touched me and b) that I didn’t talk to him and make sure he was comfortable first. Also I had mentioned group sex in the past briefly and he did say that he wouldn’t be comfortable with it, to be completley fair.

I know that I should have talked to him and that you should never do anything sexually that is outside of your partner’s comfort zone, so I know that I made mistakes here and I am sorry for them. Just somehow I am getting hung up on being called a cheater. I think the word “cheater” to me has a lot to do with dishonesty, more than sexual exploration. I never lied about anything or tried to cover anything up.

So am I cheater? Or just someone who made some mistakes??

By: Jess

Women have bitched and moaned about the pains of double standards in the dating game for eons. Your girlfriend is no exception; every time you watch Entourage, she routinely reminds you that Vince’s man-whore exploits are only cool “because he has a penis.”

Honestly, you don’t care about your woman’s psychological torment as it concerns her need to feel sexually equal to you and the fellas. While it’s true that she’s free to get out there and spread her legs wings as she chooses, you’re aware others might judge her for it, yourself included. You don’t want to claim any woman who proudly boasts a bed notch count that unabashedly runs circles around yours. Either way, that’s not your problem, because sexual double standards don’t affect you anyway.

Well, you’re wrong. Very wrong.

Even if you don’t suffer a direct bite to the gonads, double standards can still impact your relationship. While the most commonly known result pertains to your girlfriend’s unwillingness to try that super freaky position you saw in a porno, it’s far from the worst possibility. Under the radar, double standards create a nasty infidelity issue – something that would actually qualify her for the ultimate slut label.

Women who enter into relationships feeling slighted by lack of sexual experience may cheat on the side to acquire it. This might not happen immediately, but it can happen down the line as the relationship progresses. Sometimes you might have something to do with it, and other times, she’s looking to “complete” her portfolio. Here are some examples.

Her Lack of Sexual Experience Left You Unhappy

Sonja knew she was highly inexperienced when she met Mike, and worked hard to improve her skills. Although they seemed to have improved after a few months, Sonja was surprised to overhear Mike complain to his friends that her blowjobs were still horrific. Shocked and resentful of Mike’s confession, Sonja decided kill two birds with one stone. She started to practice her oral techniques on a fellow she met on Craigslist, both to improve her skills and get back at her loose-lipped boyfriend.

She Wants to Up Her Numbers, Hoping it Improves Her Confidence

Most women won’t have pissing contests with each other about the number of guys they can bang. Men, on the other hand, do. But, when a man and his woman discuss sexual partners and experiences, it’s a potential recipe for disaster if she feels she hasn’t “experienced” enough men in comparison to him. The insecurity further intensifies if she discovers he’s enjoyed more wild times (threesomes) as well. In an effort to feel more confident or “keep up,” she might silently add a few notches to her bedpost as well.

She Wants to Have Sex with a Black Guy… and an Asian Woman

Perhaps your girlfriend cheated because she was interested in having sex with another man of a different race. Maybe someone told her that Latin guys were the most passionate lovers; that Europeans were the most romantic. Sometimes, a cheating girlfriend is bi-curious, so she has a lesbian sexual affair– whatever the reason, your girlfriend has decided that she wants to taste a new flavor – and it’s not yours.

She Wants to Experiment, But Doesn’t Want You to Know

All women have shamefully nasty fantasies residing in the deep, dark recesses of our minds. Kinky, dirty things that we’d love to try- like extreme bondage, double penetration or having an orgy in a pool of rainbow colored Jell-O (don’t ask). And as much as we’d love to share these thoughts – and if we’re brave enough, experiences – with you, we know that it would be a “no-fly zone.” Most of us can live with the idea of leaving the fantasy in the brain, yet some of us choose to instead try it out just once… and just not with you, because we don’t want you to think any less of us in the morning.

I Still Want My Ex-Girlfriend Back!

You may have left your cheating girlfriend, or she may have left you, but you’re still in love with her. Despite this, you have to man up and take care to get her back on your terms and in the most proper fashion. Here’s one of the most thorough methods used to get your ex-girlfriend back – even if you’re the one who cheated – and reclaim your relationship — enhanced with a killer sex life.

What Type of Affair is He Having? Find Out Today!

There are different forms of infidelity and cheating. Not every affair is the same, but there are several types of affairs which can be placed into different categories.

One-Night Stands

One-night stands are usually casual, unplanned hookups. Unplanned in that the people may not have known each other prior to that night, but there’s a strong potential that one or both parties had every intention to have sex with someone.

One-night stands are believed to usually involve alcohol and substance abuse. One-night stands are not an attempt to create intimacy with someone else, but are self-serving. While they can be passionate, they’re usually emotionless. It’s not uncommon for someone to experience intense remorse after a one-night stand, once realization sinks in.

Entangled Affairs

These are more long-term forms of infidelity which attempt to fill an emotional or psychological need within the person. It may last for a year or two, and sexual activity may progress later on in the relationship and not exactly at the onset. Combination emotional-sexual affairs are a type of entangled affair.

Sexual Addiction

Inappropriate early sexual exposure is at the root of sexual addiction; it eventually becomes a form of acting out. Experts state this is an outcome of sex-obsessed culture, and the behavior is the person’s method of self-medicating feelings such as shame, anxiety and depression.

Women tend to eat their feelings while men turn to sex as a form of emotional comfort. Thus, most sex addicts tend to be men. Sex is the best anti-depressant to many, at least initially. Over time, the lack of emotional fulfillment can further depress the addict, as the void they attempt to fill becomes harder to satisfy.

People who are truly sexually addicted and desire to break free will more than likely have best results with the help of a 12-step program, like Sexaholics Anonymous, or from a psychologist.

Add-on Affairs

The add-on infidelity fills a specific void in the cheater’s life. The connection is initially platonic, and can start in the workplace or while the cheater’s engaging in a social activity that his spouse has no interest in. Common leisure activities where these relationships can happen include sports, religious worship and study and even hiking or camping.

Instead of being highly passionate and seen as emotionally charged, the emotional connection observed is moreso one of friendship. It’s not uncommon for the sex in add-on affairs to be unsatisfying; usually, it’s done for the sake of satisfying the other and can be quite infrquent in occurrence. Over time, the add-on affair robs the marriage or primary relationship of emotional intimacy and connection.

Defining Infidelity – Is it Only for Married Couples?

There are so many discussons on what it means to cheat, as well as what, specifically, cheating is.

As explained by Don-David Lusterman, Ph.D., infidelity is the “breaking of trust.” In his book, Infidelity: A Survival Guide, Lusterman states, “Infidelity occurs when one partner in a relationship continues to believe that the agreement to be faithful I still in force, while the other is secretly violating it.”

Now, many people reason that the only relationship worthy of fidelity and faithfulness is marriage. After all, when you marry someone you’re making a public commitment to them; marriage isn’t only a public commitment, it’s a legally binding one that can only be dissolved through death or divorce. Other relationships can be long-term and monogamous, but there are no legal obligations for participating parties to remain steadily involved.

This type of rationalization makes a lot of sense for most people; why treat your relationship like a written contract when there’s nothing but a verbal agreement?

At the end of the day, however, this argument is still not enough to excuse infidelity within a committed relationship. Not every relationship will be legally entitled to marriage, but as long as both parties made an exclusive agreement to remain faithful to one another, then there’s an expectation for this agreement to be honored.

Therefore, if you’re going to talk the talk – and commit yourself to somebody exclusively – then you need to walk the walk and do what’s necessary to adhere to that commitment. A commitment to monogamy is a serious one that deserves respect, regardless of it’s legally respected or not. Using the fact that you’re not married to downplay infidelity is not only crass, but shows you’re not an honorable individual, especially where it matters most.

The Other Woman In Our Cheating Men’s Sexual Affairs

 As women, when we are cheated on, we feel degraded and humiliated. We are shocked, and at times, even embarrassed or ashamed. Usually, we’re quite pissed as well. When you’re faced with such a highly volatile situation, it’s easy to simply see red and share your anger. Despite the fact that she owes us nothing, we usually end up blaming and unleashing our wrath on “The Other Woman.”

Discovering Your Man’s Other Woman  

 Who is the “other woman”? Well, basically speaking, she’s the woman getting the inappropriate attention from your partner, the woman whom he’s funneling energy outside of your relationship for.  Your husband’s attention toward her can be sexual, emotional, or a combination of both; it all depends on the nature and status of their relationship with each other.

The Other Woman is Not To Blame – It’s Your Cheater

We admit, it’s just too easy to become angry with this “bitch” as we see her, but the real problem doesn’t lie with her. It stems from your cheating husband or boyfriend. Oftentimes, your man’s side chick wasn’t made aware that he had you as his main lady, and once she finds out, she’s usually just as shocked and hurt by his deception as you are. It would help to remember this, as you don’t want to lash out at her when she’s in the same predicament that you are. (Now if she did know, but persisted to get with him anyway…)

When the Other Woman is Someone You Know

If you find out his mistress is your friend or family member, then take a breath. At this point, anger is understandable. You’ll definitely need to assess your relationship with her by itself, and separately from the conversations you will have with your cheating spouse or lover. Chances are, she never respected her friendship with you from the beginning, or she suffers from any number of peculiar issues. Confront her if you must, but don’t excuse her like you would a woman you never would. The relationship, whether friend or family, may never be the same regardless, as trust and deep bonds have been destroyed.

Dealing with Your Man Post-Infidelity

Moving on from infidelity usually isn’t easy. It takes time, patience and strength. Whether you stay with your husband or boyfriend, or choose to move on with another beau of choice, you’ll need to take time to emotionally accept and understand the infidelity. Perhaps you’ll want to discuss why your man felt the need to cheat and whether you could have helped prevent it, or you may just want to go out for coffee with the other woman and see what she did that you didn’t. Or you may realize that he was just going through things and used adultery as a method of dealing with it (however poor a choice that was). Either way, realize that you have a choice in how to maneuver from this situation now that everything’s on the table.

Does it Make Any Sense to Get Your Wife Back After She Has Had an Affair?
By Emma Audley

should i get my wife back when she cheated on me

This is a question which haunts many husbands when their wives’ infidelity has made a dent in the relationship. You are overwhelmed by this dilemma – should you or should you not get your wife back – particularly when she has hurt your feelings so much and has played with your implicit trust in her. Such mental trauma is understandable.

But even if you love your wife very dearly, before you finally decide to get your wife back, there are some soul-searching which is required, if you want to put your marriage back on track:

• Is this is the first time that she has had an affair after marriage?

• You want your wife back – but does she also want to get back to you?

• If you want to know how to get your wife back after an affair, you have to know for sure, whether the affair was a fall out of existing gaps in your marriage.

• Did she voluntarily admit to the affair and apologize for the mistake?

• Are you completely sure that your love for her is strong enough to pardon her errant behavior and accept her back again?

When you do the soul searching, on your way to get your wife back you also have to bear in mind the following:

• Obviously, the affair is a result of some existing need gaps in your marriage. She has sought for things which you are unable to provide. These could be anything from mental compatibility, financial security to physical inadequacies.

• If you are aware of the inadequacies and imbalances which are affecting the marriage, are you prepared to ‘change’ for the sake of getting your wife back? Many of these changes could involve completely altering the way you look at life, your habits, lifestyle choices as well as behaviors.

• There are enough instances, where husbands have accepted their wives back, after an affair and they have found happiness and congeniality in their marriage. This is because they have taken the affair as a wake-up call to sit up and notice the underlying problems affecting the relationship. Are you viewing your wife’s affair similarly?

In short, it does make sense to get your wife back, provided you are capable of pardoning her simply for the sake of love and nothing else, like ensuing loneliness, kids, home management, etc. The pardon has to be unconditional and both of you have to work double-time to rebuild the lost trust. Once again, you have to have implicit faith in her and rely on the love and respect that you share. Only then getting your wife back makes sense.

Why is saving your marriage so important to you? Because a good marriage is one of the most treasured of human interactions. It colors everything else around us.

Visit my site at http://www.LonelinessToHappiness.com to find out how you can save your marriage after infidelity and make your spouse fall in love with you again.

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A Brave Man Shares His Story About Cheating Girlfriend & Infidelity

I’ve experienced heartache many times in the past but this one is the absolute worst. In the fall of 2008 I was engaged to my then-girlfriend, Casey*. We had been very good friends since we met in mid-2004 and kept in touch throughout the years. This time around, my feelings intensified and we started dating. Although it was long distance, we did what we could to make it work, managing to see each other every few weeks.

For a while, things were alright.  We had our ups and downs like most couples, but we worked things out. In October of 2008, the topic of marriage came up and we made things official. We made plans move in together and she made the choice to move from Florida to Atlanta while I completed my training.

After lots of saving and careful planning, I purchased a ticket for her and secured a one bedroom apartment. Once she arrived, I figured things would only get better, but Casey changed almost as soon as she settled into our place.

Almost immediately, Casey got in contact with a friend of hers named Thad* that she knew from Florida but was now living in Atlanta. I didn’t think anything of it; I figured it would be good for her to have friends out here besides me and her godparents. I welcomed the idea of Thad with open arms- until we met.

I met Thad right after New Year’s and something about him rubbed me the wrong way. He had come over to our apartment complex one weekend. Casey decided to cook. When she left to get some groceries, he turned to me in the middle of conversation and asked, “You know Casey and I are just friends, right?”

Right then and there my whole attitude about him changed. Call me paranoid but I have female friends who have boyfriends and never did I have to inform them that we were just friends – and let’s also mention here that all she ever did was brag about him, which started to cause problems in our relationship. No matter what the hell I said, she would bring him up in conversation and it irritated me to the point where I told her to “shut the fuck up” about him. This became a point of contention between us in the following weeks, and she would accuse me of being jealous, yet go through my phone and pick fights about female friends that I worked with, knew or worked in the training facility I attended.

Although we decided to both work while pursuing our dreams, Casey became very lazy and dependent when she moved up here, and refused to give full effort in looking for work.  Financially, and personally, it took a toll on me, and we began sleeping in different rooms. Our communication dwindled to where it seemed the only time she would talk to me is if she needed something from me.

Dissatisfied with the state of our relationship, I sat her down and we spoke about where we felt this relationship was going. I announced my unhappiness, and confessed to thinking about ending it. To make things worse, I had been temporarily laid off, and while I still able to make ends meet, she had just started working a new job and tried to discourage me about following my dream to be a wrestler as well as waiting to be reassigned at work.

Things continued to be rocky, and just when it appeared we were getting better, it all turned to shit.
I remember like it was yesterday. I had just been reassigned at my day job, and I was happy to be working again after weeks of doing nothing. I rushed home, eager to tell Casey the good news. She was busy talking to a neighbor, so I went to take a shower. I didn’t notice her phone was in the bathroom until it rang, with a picture of Thad and some Keyshia Cole ringtone.

“What the fuck?” I thought, rejecting the call. I’m serious when I say that Casey never gave me a reason to go through her phone, even after all the “Praise Thad” talk and her suspicious behavior.  Call me old-fashioned, but I believe in the honor system. I trusted her but hearing that ringtone and seeing the picture threw all that out of the window. I searched her phone and found numerous text messages between them, with more than “friendly” messages. Crap like “I love u so much” and “I can’t wait to be with you tomorrow” among other things. As of that second, she and I were done. (Yes, people, text messages will get you in trouble.) After scrolling messages in her phone I came across an email that Thad had sent to her two days before with some attachments. The pictures I saw disgusted me to the core.

Thad’s email contained pictures of them naked in his bed with his penis out rubbing against her among other disturbing scenes. I angrily stormed past Casey, who was now sitting on the couch watching TV, and out the apartment. “After all the time and money invested into doing everything for her,” I thought, “this is the appreciation I get? Her cheating on me with this jackass?”

I called a good friend of mine to come over and keep me company because I was honestly afraid that I was going to do something regrettable. When he arrived, we walked back into the apartment where I confronted Casey about everything I saw in her phone. I told her it was over and that I wanted her out of my apartment, giving her a few days before I changed the locks.

Last I heard, she went to stay with her “friend” but less than a month later, he kicked her out realizing that if she cheated on me with him, nothing was stopping her from cheating on him with the next guy.

I’m in a better place now. I got my life back together after falling behind for a few months. It was a struggle but the second half of 2009 has treated me well. I’m doing shows, loving the bachelor life and I’m thankful I found out about her before we went any further.

My attitude about relationships and marriage has changed drastically but I don’t make any new woman in my life suffer for what Casey did to me. I still believe there is someone out there for me but for right now, I’m focused on me and what’s to come in my future.

*Names have been changed.

Surviving Infidelity: Cheating Husband Leaves

Nothing sucks more than being dumped by the husband who cheated on you!

If you’ve been dumped by the cheating husband that was in your life, you’re probably going through a cycle of emotions. One minute you’re happy that it’s over with, but then suddenly you just want to rush to your bed and forget about anything or anyone while you grieve. You don’t want to answer the phone because it seems like nobody understands you or wants to listen. Your best friends are sick of hashing out the details over pints of Haagen-Dazs, and your parents just tell you it was “for the best.”

While these things may be true, at this moment, you need a little more than words telling you to “drop” the subject. When troubled relationships end, it’s normal to feel like you’re learning to navigate on foreign terrain, confused and ambivalent about day to day things. But this is normal. Like many others who have been dumped, you’re moving within a cyclical pattern that follows the termination of a relationship, such as the one outlined in When Your Lover Leaves You: Six Stages to Recovery & Growth. According to the book, those 6 stages are:

Shock: Disbelief and numbness, marked by difficulty with eating, sleeping and general functioning.

Hope: Active attempts, negotiations, and manipulations designed to try and win the lover back.

Anger: Outward expressions of animosity directed toward the lover.

Despair: Inward direction of emotions, including depression and self-doubt.

Indifference: No significant emotional response to lover.

Growth: Feelings expressed in a positive way and transferred to a new relationship.

You may skip some of these stages, or you might visit them in a different order than presented. You might also spend more time in one stage than another, but what’s important is that you understand that there is no right or wrong way to experience these stages. They are simply a reference to your personal cycle of pain. Your personality, experience and personal frame of mind will determine how you experience grief. If you find that you are easily angered and aggressive, you might first jump into a prolonged stage of anger, before you become indifferent and then move on. If you really loved the person and hoped that things would have worked out, you may have discovered that you’re in shock and hope longer than you are in anger. You might skip anger and indifference and spend a bit of time in a state of despair before you discover that it’s time to move on.

The length of time you spend in a relationship can also affect how long it may take you to recover. Usually, the longer the relationship lasted, the longer the recovery cycle. Of course, the nature of this all is subjective and varies from person to person. However, at the end of the day, we do urge to you remember that if your relationship ended because of infidelity, or problems that arose due to that fact that your husband was caught cheating, then in due time you’ll understand that maybe things did end for the best. Until then, accept all of your emotional responses, and know each stage is a reasonable result of what happened to you; it’s all a part of your healing and they all serve a purpose. “By passing through the stages, you can make the transition from pain to potential.”