He Cheated on Me… I’m Moving On but Scared to Date

by Lily Eckhardt

I’m newly single after breaking up with my ex-fiance. He cheated on me, and I know that I don’t deserve him, so I’ve moved on. Unfortunately, I’m scared to give my heart again. I’m ready to start dating, but I just feel like men all want one thing: sex… and that I’ll be tricked into thinking every man who commits to me, is only wasting my time and his. What do I do?

He said: The first thing you need to do is to not judge all men the same. Take the men you date on a case by case basis. Try not to bring your old drama into your new relationship. Take it slow and get to know the person, If he likes you then he will wait for sex. Men are scared of being hurt just like women are scared to be hurt. Don’t go into the first date looking for a relationship, like I said take it slow and you will know if he is the one. Make sure you are drama free be for you go into your new relationship. It’s not his fault what all the other guys did. Also don’t go giving your heart to a guy too fast, sex is not love and dating is not a relationship. You will know when its real because true love doesn’t hurt.

She said: Honestly, you are not ready to date yet. If you are not ready to give your heart or take a chance, it’s not time. You were engaged and your trust was betrayed. Ending an engagement is hard enough, but under those circumstances it’s even more difficult. Take some time to get to know yourself again and reconnect with you. Once you are comfortable and feel like you can give a guy a chance without holding things your ex did against him or like you could give him a fair shot, then you are ready.

Once you get there, the best way to find somebody who does not just want sex is to A. know what you are looking for and settle for nothing less and B. take things slowly. You don’t have to rush things, let them go at a nice, comfortable and natural pace. And if all he wants is sex, you don’t want him anyway and that’s no loss to you.

Let yourself heal and take things slow and keep your eyes open. Good luck!

Dating is not always a breeze and having a successful first date is important. As managing editor of TheFirstAndForeverLove.com,Lily gives you practical and entertaining first date advice.

visit us at: dating tips women.

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Ready to Have Sex Again After a Bad Nasty Divorce from Your Cheating Husband? Think Again

Almost every woman’s had a breakup so bad she swears off men forever. This might have been you to after a nasty divorce after infidelity. You may have been one of those chicks too, but then you changed your mind after that hot new hunk (and his 12-pack) came into your life. Now everything’s sailing smoothly, and soon enough you desire to take it to the next level. Or maybe you’re still single, and not really ready to mingle, but you have a particularly intimate itch that’s begging to be scratched. Either way, you’re not sure if it’s time to have sex.

While to most people, the easiest answer is “Just do it,” the truth is, there’s just so much more to consider than whether or not he’ll be good in bed. Here are some questions to reflect upon while deciding whether you’re ready to have sex again:

-Are you ready for all the sexual attachment that may rear itself when you begin having regular sex romps on a “casual” basis?

- Can you deal with thoughts of where he is and what he’s doing when he’s not in your bed or returning your calls?

- Would you consider it cheating if he has sex with other women?

- Did your husband cheat on you? Did his affairs affect how you view sex, relationships and men? Are you using sex with someone else to “get back” at his infidelity?

- If he’s ready to emotionally connect to you, and used sex as a means to seduce you into a relationship, are you really willing to go there?

- Is the person you plan on sleeping with trustworthy?

- Do you think there’s any chance you will regret having sex with someone new, especially if you don’t know them?

- Are you having sex because you truly want to, or because you’re desperately seeking to cure your persistent feelings of loneliness? Are you trying to prove that you’re still sexually desirable?

- If you’re looking to have sex with your ex, how will you handle any feelings of false hope that may arise when your children assume Mommy and Daddy are getting back together? Additionally, how can you be sure your heart doesn’t become involved in the process?

We can’t give you all the answers but, we can reassure you that as long as life is treated like a learning experience, there really won’t be any wrong answers. Don’t let a divorce after infidelity hold you back from finding and enjoying great sex. Now, should you decide to have sex, it’s only fitting we ask that you be sure you can trust the other person, practice mutually safe and enjoyable sex, and don’t be afraid to say no if you have to. Also, should you decide at any point you’re still not ready, don’t be afraid to focus all that sexual energy on yourself (*wink, wink*).

1. Forgive. Forgiveness is never about letting the other person off the hook; it’s about freeing yourself. Forgiveness, in general, is releasing yourself from thoughts and feelings of vindictiveness, anger, and revenge that bind you to the offense, or wrong, done against you. When you forgive, you allow the weight and pain of what’s happened to you roll off your spirit, freeing you to experience life more fully.

2. Accept and move on. Acceptance of an event means that you acknowledge the situation without attempting to change, protest against or run away from its existence. Accepting that your spouse cheated on you doesn’t mean that it’s okay; it simply means that the indiscretion cannot be undone, and better things are yet to come. See our tips for practicing emotional acceptance.

3. Take it one day at a time. A journey of one thousand miles begins with one step. Your journey past the pain and into a better position begins with each moment. Focus on what needs to be done in the present, give it your best and look forward to the future.

4. Stay busy. If you don’t know what to do with yourself, expend your time and energy with friends and family members you may not have seen in a while. Keeping busy will allow you to focus on everything but the affair. If that doesn’t help, consider volunteering. It’s difficult to hold on to a “woe-is-me” attitude when you’re helping people who don’t have homes, are victims of violence or don’t have a means to get their basic needs.
5. Limit contact. Immediately cease communication with your ex as soon as it’s over. With the exception of dividing assets or determining custody, you should not invite the ambivalence of emotional confusion that would follow if you tried to remain “friends.”

6. Convert negative energy into a positive outcome. While they say time heals all wounds, it’s also important that you use this time wisely. Channeling your immense feelings of anger, hurt and sadness into tasks you’ve put off can help you through the healing process, especially as you move forward. Push this energy into getting back into shape, learning a new skill or developing a talent.

7. Allow yourself room to breathe- and grieve. There will be times where no matter how hard you push, it will hurt. Allowing yourself to release your emotions will allow you to thoroughly purge your system. You cannot put a time restraint on your emotions, but it’s common for the sting to lessen over time. If the pain rages for an extended period of time, you may not have forgiven.

8. Put things in perspective and stop dwelling in the past. It’s fine reflect and theorize why things went sour. Acknowledging what one or both of you may have done incorrectly in the relationship can help you learn more about yourself. But dwelling on the past doesn’t solve anything; those moments are gone forever and they will not help you make the most of your present and future.

9. Don’t try to make sense out of nonsense. There are many reasons why people cheat. At the end of the day, it usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. He cannot blame you for his cheating - even if you contributed to problems which lead to cheating, there is no excuse for it. Your husband should have found another way to handle his problems.

10. Renegotiate on your terms, not theirs. If you do indeed, decide to stay, be sure about your decision. Your partner must earn their way back into your life. Dr. Phil advises that you “renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you.” Be sure to truly develop an idea of what you absolutely need from your partner in order to be happy.