Why Should I Understand Why He Cheated on Me?

Why Do I Want to Understand His Infidelity?

There are so many reasons why people have affairs, and there are many names for these different types of affairs. When Good People Have Affairs discusses seventeen different types of affairs that people have and what motivates them. Recognizing the motives of an affair helps cheating men, betrayed women and those caught in the devastation to understand and resolve the behavior. Simply put, when you know why something happens, and how it occurs, you can take steps to prevent history from repeating itself.

Generally speaking, affairs serve several purposes for people. Even if you discover one reason as to how and why your cheating spouse’s affair occurred, it’s always wise to continue researching and looking into the matter, as it may only reveal part of the story.

Also, understanding why your lover cheated on you may clarify some things that you may have never thought about. For example, if you’ve always assumed that you were the reason he cheated, you may discover (in a somewhat bittersweet way) that it had nothing to do with you. You may instead learn that he simply wanted some variety, felt insecure about himself, had been seeking an illicit way to relieve stress, or always fantasized about having an affair. On the other hand, this may further upset you, and rightfully so, because it displays how selfish your cheating boyfriend was.

Overall, though, it’s important that you keep a clear head and an open mind when you embark on an exploration of your cheating boyfriend’s psyche. Although the discovery of his unfaithfulness is painful, aggravating and enraging, your ultimate goal should be to have a clearer understanding of how his mind thinks. Even if you do not opt to stay with him, you’ll be equipped with the clarity necessary for closure so you don’t bring this baggage into your next relationship.

To learn about seventeen types of affairs that people have and why they cheat, check out When Good People Have Affairs on Amazon.

How Do Babies and Death Create Infidelity?

Does Your Risky History Put You At Risk for A Sexual Affair?

Family situations and personal challenges are unbelievably influential in whether or not someone is going to cheat, but what about personal risk? Does depression incease the possibility of your husband cheating? What if he loses his job, or someone close to him dies?

According to Christian relationship expert Dave Carders, situational factors definitely influence a person’s potential to cheat on their significant other. “Often there are situational factors that weigh heavily into the initiation of [infidelity],” he writes in his bestselling book Close Calls. “Two of these areas are high-risk times and high-risk behaviors.”

High-Risk Times

High-risk times refer to great times of stress and change in relationships. Many times, these times are life-altering and require major adjustment on one’s part in order to fully absorb the changes that are made to their routines.

Death or Loss

Death of a loved one is a common high-risk time for people. Research has indicated that spouses and couples actually experience an increase in their sex life following the death of a loved one.

Many times, both parties in the marriage or relationship will experience difficulty connecting because they’re both in mourning during this period. They may preserve their energy in order to work through the day instead of expending effort in consoling one another.

As we’ve discussed before, men have a real pattern of using sex to comfort themselves. If they’re not getting emotional support and care from their wives at home, there’s potential for them to seek outside refuge in the arms of another woman, as having sex will still release oxytocin, which comforts them and makes them feel less “alone” in times of need.

Pregnancy

There are several reasons why pregnancy carries an increased risk of infidelity in men. First and foremost, a man is adjusting to the fact that the relationship isn’t all about him anymore; he now has to share the spotlight with another person, his own child. Second, he has to spend an extra amount of time catering to the woman carrying his child for the approximately 9 weeks or so that she’s carrying the child.

To add to this, women usually go through a lot during their pregnancies. Hormones shift and change, and women can become emotionally unstable, sensitive and possess lower libidos, resulting in a lack off sexual desire. In turn, the changes which take place in the female’s body, such as weight gain, make her less visually appealing to her husband, and therefore divert his sexual desire away from her.

Once the baby comes, pressures of being a new parent add strain to the relationship. Many women experience post-partum depression, while others become completely consumed with thebaby and lose desire to connect with their partners. Resentment, stress and the need to “get away from it all” can cause an otherwise great man to cheat – all because he wants attention that he feels is no longer readily available to him.

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