Psychology of Infidelity 103: Combination Sexual & Emotional Affairs

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Sexual-Emotional Affairs: The Dangerous Affair DrainingYour Relationship

sexual emotional infidelity affairs with husbands mistressSexually and emotionally charged infidelity is the most dangerous threat there is to a relationship. This affair requires the most work to recover from; the longer it’s gone on, the more attached the affair partners are to one another. The combination infidelity is basically another relationship; the discovery of a combination sexual – emotional affair sends the levels of mistrust and pain suffered by the betrayed spouse soaring.

Many marriages suffer a drop in intimacy when an affair is underway, whether the affair has been exposed or not. However, when this gut-wrenching affair is discovered, everyone gets hurt. Not only is the betrayed spouse doubly hurt, but the cheating party suffers a great deal of emotional pain as well. You may wonder why this is, or, as a victim of this type of infidelity, you simply may not care. However, the truth is no matter who the cheater chooses to move on with, he must prepare for the grief of ending the other relationship for the sake of the person he chooses to be with.

What Makes this Affair So Dangerous to My Relationship?

Overall, this is the most painful form of infidelity for many people to deal with because the other partner hasn’t just held back on them sexually, but emotionally as well. Many of us assume we’re giving our best to keep our significant other satisfied in their relationship with us. Therefore, discovery of an affair this complex causes us to question whether our best was truly good enough, and not just for the person who cheated on us, but for anyone else we might have or will be with down the line.In such a scenario, questioning our self-worth may be a normal occurrence, but isn’t necessary. As in any case, if your spouse decided that they weren’t fully satisfied with the relationship, it was their responsibility to bring their case forward. You have as much right as the other woman (or man) in your spouse or significant other’s life to know exactly where the relationship stands. Additionally, just because he or she feels you may be lacking in some aspect doesn’t mean that someone else won’t find you perfectly capable of handling their needs and being a great person for them.
The combination affair hurts everyone, even the cheater, who will grieve the loss of whomever he chooses to end things with.

What are the Reasons for Combination Sexual-Emotional Affairs?

Usually an emotional affair usually triggers a combination affair. Emotional affairs are gateway affairs for sexual infidelity. When intense emotional feelings are shared on a regular basis with someone outside of your relationship, the passion dies within the one the cheating partner has with you. You are no longer as exciting, reliable, empathetic and close to your wayward partner as you were; therefore, the energy that he or she usually had for you is funneled into this new affair. When you add the fact that there’s a mutual attraction between your lover and this other person (which can build over time if the chemistry wasn’t originally there), the underlying emotional weakness or need combined with their accessibility fuels a deadly spark that can ignite the emotional affair into something bigger. Conversely, it’s entirely possible for a purely sexual affair to become a combination affair, but it’s much less likely when both parties are aware of their arrangement and stick to the script.

What are Signs of this Type of Affair?

  • He suddenly begins working later and taking on weekend shifts and business trips.
  • She encourages you on out of town trips without them.
  • He becomes more withdrawn and private, especially with access to finances and their communication devices.
  • He takes on a renewed interest in his appearance, including purchasing a new wardrobe.
  • He stops wearing his wedding ring.
  • She insists on answering the phone, or answering calls in private. She starts texting unknown persons more.
  • He begins showering excessively, especially when he walks in the door.
  • You find suspicious items of clothing or notice their clothing missing.
  • He becomes extremely critical of you, even mocking you.
  • Getting details about where he or she is going becomes very difficult.
  • She never wants to go out with you, yet claims you’re boring as an excuse to “get some fresh air” without you.
  • His sexual appetite changes abruptly. Sex is either more passionate, or it’s less passionate and quicker.
  • She’s using new sexual tricks on you. Something you may have wanted to try for years but she never wanted to do is now open game.
  • He is more distant than usual, and appears to be going through the motions while with you.
  • She becomes more difficult to reach than before, such as during work hours or after work.
  • He changes the schedule, making it difficult to spend time together with you.

Can This Relationship Be Saved? This is a Complicated Situation!

Cheating spouses boyfriends marital infidelity adulteryYes, this relationship can be saved, but due to the complex marriage of emotional and sexual bonding between your spouse/partner and this other person, there will be a very rocky period of adjustment. Expect to feel overwhelming emotions, especially those of betrayal, resentment and anger for having to find out the lengths the other person went to in order to keep an affair of this magnitude an ongoing event. You should also be prepared to discover both positive and negative things about your partner’s relationship with this other person that you may have never experienced in the one you have with them.

Painfully enough, you’ll learn that your spouse’s feelings cannot be turned off like a faucet. While working things out, you may he still loves her and may still wonder if he made the right decision by being with you and not her. You may also discover special things he did for her, such as buying her flowers because she likes them (yet he’s yet to bring you anything remotely sentimental), or helping her pay a phone bill when she was catching up on bills. He might have even taken her places you’ve yet to go. These details are absolutely infuriating and nothing less than heartbreaking.

We strongly and absolutely recommend outside assistance (counseling, therapy, etc.) for both parties involved in the primary relationship affected by this type of affair. Even if you speak with a trusted spiritual leader, this will be a great help to allow you to deal with this catastrophic event.

These types of affairs are usually the ones which are said to end relationships, but, for the couples who truly get to the bottom of the problems in their relationship, those problems which might have motivated an affair, this infidelity (like any other) can assist a couple in gaining a stronger relationship than the one they had before the affair occurred. But at the end of the day, it all starts with making a decision about whether or not the both of you want to save this relationship.

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Jeffrey Murrah August 9, 2010 at 5:17 am

Your list of signs to look for is specific and helpful. You are right, when the emotional and sexual affairs are combined, they are complicated. The way that you break down the emotional affair->Combination Affair -> Sexual Infidelity makes it easy to understand. It provides a concrete way to illustrate a complicated situation.

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