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“Cheating Boyfriend Claims an Open Relationship”

You catch your boyfriend cheating, and you’re terribly pissed. After mulling it over, you make the decision to let him know you’re aware that he’s been double-dipping his chicken nugget back and forth between your savory barbecue and her acrid sweet n’ sour sauces. But to your amazement, confronting your man takes a meaty, tangy twist of its own. Instead of apologizing, or denying his sexual infidelity, your man states that he figured you two had an “open” relationship, in a casual, hand-in-his-jean-pockets-as-he-shrugs kind of matter.

Open Relationship? Sexual Affair? Who’s Right?

So is your cheating boyfriend a swinger? Are you guys in an open relationship? Well, these answers all depend on a few things. First, let’s clarify some facts about open relationships as well as sexual infidelity.

Sexual Affairs & Open Relationships Have Nothing in Common

Open Relationships and sexual infidelity have nothing in common. An open relationship might imply that your beau never agreed to be sexually monogamous with you, but these things should have been clearly spelled out when the both of you have agreed to pursue a relationship.

Sexual infidelity is in no way, shape, or form comparable to open relationships; it’s quite the opposite. Sexual infidelity relies upon dishonesty and deception, mainly in a deliberate and continuous sense. Sexual affairs work to the contrary of open relationships; cheating contains a deceptive character to it which thrives best on deliberately betraying pre-established boundaries and expectations on how the relationship will operate. Cheating men cheat. Polyamorous men have many lovers and build healthy rules with how they operate.

Open relationships, as previously explained, are cultivated with communication, acceptance, respect and honesty. You just cannot be in an open relationship where only one of you knows what’s going on. Open relationships have rules and regulations, boundaries and agreements just as a “traditional” relationship does.

Relationships without Boundaries Leave Room for Mistakes, Confusion

So, prior to this revelation, did you both clearly establish that you two were a couple? Did you both agree to have a faithful, emotionally or sexually monogamous relationship? Or did you just as easily assume you guys were monogamous as easily as he assumed you guys weren’t?

If you determine that your partner has truly never formalized your relationship as a committed, monogamous one, then you’ll have to eat this situation, and re-evaluate what’s really good with your relationship. Perhaps you’re not interested in a love triangle… or square… or hexagon (man, I can go on!)… and if this is the case, maybe it’s time to get over your new ex-boyfriend and find new love with someone who wants to make you his wife one day.

Now if you know, simply just know, that you guys were supposed to be sexually and emotional faithful, and seriously feel this explanation is a load of *expletive*, then by all means, do what you have to do and tell him to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. There’s no reason to try and work through an issue like this if he’s blatantly dishonest, even while you’re open to consideration. It doesn’t matter whether or not you would have had an open relationship with him; the truth of the matter is he is lying to avoid taking responsibility for his dishonorable actions.

…Considering the Open Relationship?

You might be disappointed about your cheating boyfriend’s sexual affairs, but then become somewhat fascinated by the idea of doubling or tripling your suitor ratio from 1:1 to 3:1. If so, this is your right. However, keep in mind that while open relationships work with a different foundation than traditional, one-man-dates-one-woman, courtships, there are still rules to follow. Yes, the rules may be a little more fluid and flexible in general, but overall, there may still be guidelines regarding emotional and sexual boundaries in these relationships.