1. Forgive. Forgiveness is never about letting the other person off the hook; it’s about freeing yourself. Forgiveness, in general, is releasing yourself from thoughts and feelings of vindictiveness, anger, and revenge that bind you to the offense, or wrong, done against you. When you forgive, you allow the weight and pain of what’s happened to you roll off your spirit, freeing you to experience life more fully.
2. Accept and move on. Acceptance of an event means that you acknowledge the situation without attempting to change, protest against or run away from its existence. Accepting that your spouse cheated on you doesn’t mean that it’s okay; it simply means that the indiscretion cannot be undone, and better things are yet to come. See our tips for practicing emotional acceptance.
3. Take it one day at a time. A journey of one thousand miles begins with one step. Your journey past the pain and into a better position begins with each moment. Focus on what needs to be done in the present, give it your best and look forward to the future.
4. Stay busy. If you don’t know what to do with yourself, expend your time and energy with friends and family members you may not have seen in a while. Keeping busy will allow you to focus on everything but the affair. If that doesn’t help, consider volunteering. It’s difficult to hold on to a “woe-is-me” attitude when you’re helping people who don’t have homes, are victims of violence or don’t have a means to get their basic needs.
5. Limit contact. Immediately cease communication with your ex as soon as it’s over. With the exception of dividing assets or determining custody, you should not invite the ambivalence of emotional confusion that would follow if you tried to remain “friends.”
6. Convert negative energy into a positive outcome. While they say time heals all wounds, it’s also important that you use this time wisely. Channeling your immense feelings of anger, hurt and sadness into tasks you’ve put off can help you through the healing process, especially as you move forward. Push this energy into getting back into shape, learning a new skill or developing a talent.
7. Allow yourself room to breathe- and grieve. There will be times where no matter how hard you push, it will hurt. Allowing yourself to release your emotions will allow you to thoroughly purge your system. You cannot put a time restraint on your emotions, but it’s common for the sting to lessen over time. If the pain rages for an extended period of time, you may not have forgiven.
8. Put things in perspective and stop dwelling in the past. It’s fine reflect and theorize why things went sour. Acknowledging what one or both of you may have done incorrectly in the relationship can help you learn more about yourself. But dwelling on the past doesn’t solve anything; those moments are gone forever and they will not help you make the most of your present and future.
9. Don’t try to make sense out of nonsense. There are many reasons why people cheat. At the end of the day, it usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. He cannot blame you for his cheating - even if you contributed to problems which lead to cheating, there is no excuse for it. Your husband should have found another way to handle his problems.
10. Renegotiate on your terms, not theirs. If you do indeed, decide to stay, be sure about your decision. Your partner must earn their way back into your life. Dr. Phil advises that you “renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you.” Be sure to truly develop an idea of what you absolutely need from your partner in order to be happy.
