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Husband Cheating On Internet: Advice to Confront Online Infidelity
I recently learned that my husband has been exchanging sexual emails with a woman he went to high school with and recently reconnected with on Facebook. I learned of the emails because the woman involved shared some of the emails with a friend of hers who happens to be friends with the sister of an old friend of mine. The information eventually got back to me. I have been with my husband, who is 10 years older than me, for 15 years (married 5.5 years), since I was 18 years old. I thought we were best friends–we spend most of our time together and get along well. Moreover, while we don’t have sex as often as I think we should, it is amazing when it does occur. I’m shocked, incredibly hurt, and humiliated by this information. He admits only to exchanging “flirty” emails with the woman after she started it and says he had no intention of cheating. I have no idea what to believe, do, or feel. Please help. Thanks. – CyberCheater’s Wife
CyberCheater’s Wife:
First and foremost, I’m sorry that you discovered your husband cheating on the internet in such a horrifying manner. Through a grapevine consisting of a friend of a friend of a friend who’s sister is an old friend of yours? That’s practically a sucker punch to your heart, especially when you had no reason to believe your husband would betray you like this.
Unfortunately you’re not alone. Many people discover that their spouses are having internet and cyber-affairs every day. Digital communication has become a gift and a curse for many relationships. Sites like Twitter, Facebook and MySpace have made it easier than ever to keep in touch with loved ones; yet, it’s these same applications that have made having- and hiding- affairs simpler than ever. With the click of a button, a cheating spouse can arrange discreet one night stands on craigslist, contact ex-lovers and engage in cybersex while pretending to innocently surf the web or check their email- and let’s not mention the ridiculous hacks, tips and tricks one can use to quietly hide their activity so that you’d never know what they were up to.
Dr. Sheri Meyers discusses Internet Infidelity
Husband’s Internet Affair & Your Sex Life – Does It Relate?
Inform your husband that his online cheating has not only destroyed your trust in him, but rocked your faith in the strength of your marriage. Advise him that you will need time to think about where this relationship is going, and expect him to immediately stop talking to the other woman.
Your marriage’s infrequent sex life could be a direct result of your husband using his sexual energy toward his internet affair, but be advised this would not be the only possible reason. Often times, an erratic sex life and infidelity don’t create troubled marriages; they’re usually distress signals indicating trouble within a marriage.
Analyzing Online Infidelity – Was It Headed Too Far?
Before you decide whether to stay or go, you must analyze the entire situation objectively. Read the emails between your husband and the other woman, if they’re available. Double check your husband’s credibility. Did he lie when he said that he was only “flirty” towards her, or was this his way of downplaying how sexually explicit he was? Does she appear to be the aggressor in this relationship, or does he play an equal role in pursuing her sexual attention? Is there a considerable component of emotional intimacy shared between these two?
Determine what would have happened if you never discovered his internet mistress. Is there anything in his emails that suggest your husband might have intended to eventually meet this woman in person for a sexual affair? If so, you’ve dodged a major bullet in your marriage.
Do Some Soul Searching
Reflecting on everything that’s happened before delivering any final decisions on the future of your marriage is of the utmost importance. You’ll need to weigh all the pros and cons of each possible choice you make, whether you decide to save your marriage or opt for a fast easy divorce. You must also extend forgiveness toward your husband; it allows you to jump-start the healing process, even if you decide to leave him.
If I Stay With Him, How Will I Know If He Cheats Online Again?
You don’t, unfortunately. Your husband may never cheat again, or he may attempt to become more discreet. If it will put you at ease, invest in PC monitoring software. Quiet, efficient and reputable keylogging programs monitor all computer activity, even if the user surfs the internet in “privacy” modes. We strongly recommend that you try Keylog Computer Spying Software, as it allows you to download and test it out absolutely free.
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