Defining Infidelity – Is it Only for Married Couples?
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There are so many discussons on what it means to cheat, as well as what, specifically, cheating is.
As explained by Don-David Lusterman, Ph.D., infidelity is the “breaking of trust.” In his book, Infidelity: A Survival Guide, Lusterman states, “Infidelity occurs when one partner in a relationship continues to believe that the agreement to be faithful I still in force, while the other is secretly violating it.”
Now, many people reason that the only relationship worthy of fidelity and faithfulness is marriage. After all, when you marry someone you’re making a public commitment to them; marriage isn’t only a public commitment, it’s a legally binding one that can only be dissolved through death or divorce. Other relationships can be long-term and monogamous, but there are no legal obligations for participating parties to remain steadily involved.
This type of rationalization makes a lot of sense for most people; why treat your relationship like a written contract when there’s nothing but a verbal agreement?
At the end of the day, however, this argument is still not enough to excuse infidelity within a committed relationship. Not every relationship will be legally entitled to marriage, but as long as both parties made an exclusive agreement to remain faithful to one another, then there’s an expectation for this agreement to be honored.
Therefore, if you’re going to talk the talk – and commit yourself to somebody exclusively – then you need to walk the walk and do what’s necessary to adhere to that commitment. A commitment to monogamy is a serious one that deserves respect, regardless of it’s legally respected or not. Using the fact that you’re not married to downplay infidelity is not only crass, but shows you’re not an honorable individual, especially where it matters most.
