He Said to “Stop Throwing the Past in My Face”
[/caption]Even though you two are working on your marriage, the pain of his infidelity is still raw at moments. You also never pass on an opportunity to remind him of the affair, something which irritates him to no end, further aggravating your relationship. To your husband, this is just another attempt to throw his cheating in face, and continue beating a dead horse. You, on the other hand, are still highly upset by his behavior and are not having an easy time “getting over it” like he is.
Generally speaking, if the tables were turned, and you cheated on him, he wouldn’t have any problems letting you know how upset he was that you slept with another man. People usually don’t have any problems being comfortable with their anger and sense of entitlement, but squirm uncomfortably with feelings of guilt, fear and unhappiness. Therefore, whenever you bring his infidelity up, your husband is forced to deal with these unhappy emotions; they create much internal, personal discomfort which he finds difficult to regulate.
Ask yourself why you keep bringing up his infidelity. Does bringing up his infidelity ease the pain you feel? Or are you feeling as if your emotions are being ignored and going unacknowledged. Bringing up the past isn’t going to be productive if that’s your form of punishment. If you’re unaware of why you bring his infidelity up so often, then you’ll need to take steps not to bring it up so frequently without a valid reason.
Another thing to consider: people who usually bring up the past frequently are usually dealing with something in the present that reminds them of the past hurt they experienced. A great example of this is getting upset when your husband leaves the house for a few hours. When he returns, he tells you he went to the supermarket, but you later find out that he stopped at the bookstore and also got a bite to eat. You get upset because your husband didn’t “tell you the whole truth” and this reminds you of how he lied to you about where he went and neglected to give you the whole truth while he was cheating. This is a great example of how small things can trigger painful memories of his infidelity.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok so if small things trigger memories what should you do about it. I feel like I keep repeating myself over and over again and I hate it but it hurts so much. What should I do?
Mrs. Johnson,
When small things trigger your memories about infidelity, our opinion is that the best thing to do is remember that you cannot change the outcome. We discuss "Emotional Acceptance" in our blog, and promote it as a method of getting through what has happened while acknowledging the pain that's been caused. Check it out here: http://www.hecheatedonme.net/emotional-acceptance…