He Cheated on Me; I Want to Know If We Can Save Our Relationship!
Even though he cheated, your relationship MAY be able to survive infidelity.
Dear Elle,
I’ve been with a wonderful man for well over 2 years. This man has done everything to sweep me off my feet, from buying me flowers to expensive trips and beautiful jewelry. I really love him, but after a rough patch, I discovered he was cheating on me. While he says he’s very sorry, and that he’s no longer messing with the other woman, I’m very hurt and am not sure whether or not I can continue being in a relationship with him. At the same time, I do love him and he seems to be very remorseful.
Heartbroken and Confused
Dear Heartbroken:
I’m sorry to hear about the unfortunate situation between you and your boyfriend, yet I’m very concerned, mainly about the fact that you’ve told me this man is wonderful, yet the only things you’ve told me about him are financially extravagant gifts he’s given you. While material things are lovely, they’re just that: material. In my opinion, a wonderful man would provide you with more than expensive trinkets and gifts. Where is the great emotional bond? Besides fancy trips to exotic destinations, how do you spend quality time? Have you guys even met each other’s family?
To answer your question, whether or not you can iron out the kinks in your relationship after infidelity takes serious contemplation. There are several things which can increase the likelihood that your unfaithful beau will put in the work to restore your faith in him, and others which weaken the odds, but you cannot make an immediate decision.
First, was this the first time he’s cheated with this woman? Or one of many? Who else was/is there? The lower the number of women, and the lower the amount of times he’s been cheating on you, the more likely you are to recover from this. Also ask if he keeps in contact with this woman, and if so, whether he’s willing to shut her out of his life completely. If he still speaks to her and is reluctant to remove her from his life, that’s a big red flag that may indicate residual desire and emotions are there.
Next, you must observe his character. Is he remorseful and willing to take responsibility for his actions? If your boyfriend is truly remorseful, then he won’t try to behave impatiently and force you to “get over it” quickly if he’s cheated on you. Instead, he will allow you to grieve for as long as you require, with the full knowledge this is your reaction to his poor behavior. A man in this position should also be willing to adhere to any demands and restrictions you place on him while he earns back your trust. A truly stand-up guy will go above and beyond by seeking to actively work on himself as well as the relationship; he’ll understand that time itself will not heal the damage his infidelity has done. He will also avoid placing the blame on you for his infidelity, accepting that he made the ultimate decision to act out with another woman.
Whatever your decision, I wish you the best and definitely hope your future is filled with happiness and a strong bond and connection (in addition to lavish gifts!)
If you have a relationship or infidelity question you want answered, email Elle at advice@hecheatedonme.net. 
