4 Steps to Moving Past Husband or Boyfriend’s Cheating

Brenda Stone Brower is the ex-wife of J.L. King, an author who notoriously exposed the secret homosexual and bisexual lifestyles of men who publicly portrayed themselves as monogamous, faithful husbands and boyfriends to their devoted wives and families.

Married for eight years, Brower admits she overlooked several curious instances where her husband’s actions raised red flags, which included disappearing at odd hours and hanging out with male friends who were hostile towards her. She questioned her husband on several occasions, only to be met with denials and accusations.

It wasn’t until “one Saturday night in 2002, I found myself in front of the television watching my ex-husband tell the world that he was a man living on the ‘down low.’…He was being featured on a CNN special on men on the down low… [To see and hear him] speaking so candidly about his ‘lifestyle’ and his ‘desires’ hurt. Here he was telling the world something he could never say to my face,” states Brower.

Brower has since remarried and celebrates over twenty years of marriage with her current husband. She admits it was a long and painful road to recovering from the damage her first husband has bestowed upon her. The following are her personal recommendations for women to consider when dealing with a cheater, even if they aren’t on the down low:

Love and respect yourself. People with something to hide tend to avoid self-assured and confident individuals. By loving yourself and placing yourself first, you can avoid dealing with a cheater or DL man for prolonged periods of time because you’ll love yourself enough to make the tough decisions needed for a healthy relationship – even if it means leaving him.
Trust your intuition. When you are in tune with yourself, you know when something is wrong. Even if the concrete proof isn’t evident, trust that internal voice that warns you something’s not okay – it will never fail you.
Once you discover the truth, do something about it. It takes strength and courage to face the truth. Even the strongest or most beautiful woman can get caught up with a cheater. How you handle it is what’s most important. Don’t spend time licking your wounds; take action to resolve the situation and move forward.
Speak to someone. The healing process differs for everyone, but most women discover that talking about what’s occurred is an opportunity to open themselves up to healing and finding closure. Even if you don’t feel comfortable talking to friends, you can always seek assistance from a trusted licensed life coach, counselor, or even a spiritual leader.

Read more of Brenda’s compelling tale in her book, On the Up and Up, available on Amazon.com or at your local bookstore.