8 Things You DON’T DO When Husband Cheats On You

So your husband cheated, had a sexual or emotional affair with another woman, and you’re livid. Burning with rage, emotion and viscous fury, crazy thoughts take over your mind. You want to slap him, smash his prized big screen, bust the windows out of his prized Mustang a la Jazmine Sullivan.

Right now, it would be too easy to carry out these crimes to exact your humilation.

But don’t.

Get a grip on yourself and these intense thoughts. Your emotions are running high – understandably so - but these volatile reactions only hurt you more than him. (Can we say misdeameanor and felony charges, ladies?) Chill down with these 8 tips designed to help you manage your uncontrollable desires as you process what’s happened to you.

1. DON’T immediately call it quits on the relationship. Even though your emotions are high, you need time to make a clear decision.

2. DON’T tell your friends or your mother. Relationships are very personal. When cheating becomes involved, your friends and family will take a side- your side. If you two reconcile, they’ll continue to demonize him, despite the fact you’ve forgiven him.

3. DON’T tell your babies. Children hate to see their parents fighting with one another, and tend to act out, become depressed or feel it’s their fault when things happen at home.

4. DON’T become an emotional diva. Yes, he’s a lying, cheating, dirty bastard who owes you an explanation… but not in front of the congregation at 9 AM Sunday Service. While your demands appear to make you feel better, they’re just a poor attempt to gain control over him.

5. DON’T make his job hell. Exposing his affair at work doesn’t improve his productivity and it can make you look crazy. Even if his mistress does work in his office, you’re putting his career (and financial security) at stake, something you don’t want to do if he’s the primary breadwinner.

6. DON’T tell him how much you know. Allow your unfaithful husband the opportunity to come clean about all the details of his sexual affair first. Ask him questions you already know the answer to in order to gauge his honesty.

7. DON’T attempt to justify his behavior. Although there are many reasons why people cheat, your job is not to determine why your cheating spouse had an affair. Since he cheated on you, he, as the cheater, must explain what drove him to the point of infidelity.

8. DON’T beat yourself up or take his cheating personally. It sucks to be cheated on, but you cannot and should not blame yourself. You cannot force someone to cheat, no matter what they tell you. Even if relationship problems are to blame, and you haven’t been the best wife, your husband still made a deliberate and conscious decision to cheat.