Boyfriend Cheated with Ex-Wife and Mother of His Children. How Do I Survive His Infidelity?
Ok, so my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship. We have been together for a little over a year. He cheated on me with his ex wife when he went to visit his children at christmas. They live in different states and he only gets to see them once a year. So I understand he wants to go there but im scared he going to do it again. He told me that he only did it to get back at her. to make her think they were going to get back together, and he also said he wanted her to see that he could just “fuck” her with no emotion. These two statements seem contradictory to me. He also told her that I was bad in bed “to get back at her”. I just dont know what to think about any of this. hes there with them right now for the next three weeks and he swears hes sleeping on the couch and he isnt doing anything wrong. is there any way I can get over this?
Sweetie, you can get over anything you choose to, and we’re confident that you will get over this situation. Unfortunately, we think you need to dump him and move on in the process! He’s playing you and his ex-wife like a card game, and you need to pull out now! This is not a relationship, it’s a manipulative mind game for him against the two of you!
Essentially, your cheating boyfriend put you, him and his ex-wife in a nasty, sticky love triangle where things can (and will) get really ugly unless you step away. His lame excuses make no sense when you think about it, and they only serve to display how disgusting and selfish he really is. Let’s break this whole mess down.
First, he tells you he had sex with her for all the WRONG reasons: to play with her emotions, and then to prove that he could “fuck” her without emotion. Okay, first of all, playing with someone’s emotions, especially in a romantic sense, is akin to a death wish. Nobody takes being sexually used and manipulated lightly, and it leads to serious trouble. Second, “f*cking” someone just to prove that you can is a stupid excuse. Who is he proving this to? The answer: Nobody but himself. Truthfully speaking, his piss poor explanation would have been better off if it had been “I f*cked her because I wanted to.”
What disturbs me most is that your boyfriend is telling his ex-wife about YOUR sex life, and using it as a tool to pry her legs open. He tells you it’s to get back at her, but let’s be honest… If your ex-boyfriend tells you that his new wife isn’t as pretty as you, would it truly hurt your feelings? Nope, in fact it would make you feel better, and even like you have one-up on her because he thinks you’re better looking than she is. You’d feel pretty damned smug about the situation, even if you’re not back together with him. Now, switch out the “pretty” part for the “better in bed” part and you see how the wife feels. This cheating ex-boyfriend (this is what you REALLY should call him now) has effectively manipulated his ex-wife, who probably still loves and wants him, into thinking that he really loves and wants her back, and that his new girlfriend, YOU, aren’t holding his interest and that you suck in bed (no pun intended).
Discovery of a boyfriend cheating is painful, but he's not worth the tears when he's manipulative.
The bottom line: Your boyfriend cheating is a sign he cannot be trusted. Honestly speaking, his behavior is putting both you and his ex-wife in a nasty sexual competition for his affection (and to boost his own ego). Though it’s possible that this was a one time instance, we say it’s unlikely. Your cheating boyfriend doesn’t respect either of you; if he did, he wouldn’t have cheated on you, he wouldn’t have had sex with her,and he wouldn’t continue to play with his ex-wife’s emotions for sex. As a matter of fact, if he had respect for himself as well, none of this would have happened in the first place.
Going forward, he’s at her house now, and it’s safe to say that he’s sleeping with her. Despite what is said, when an ex-couple have children, unless both people have thoroughly moved on or are actively handling their breakup properly, they can complicate things for themselves as well as others. Even though your cheating man says he’s moved on, his actions clearly show that he hasn’t. A man who has moved on doesn’t need to emotionally manipulate his ex-wife; he’ll be more concerned about spending time with his children (and work to see them more than ONCE per year, that’s just SORRY) and building a respectful, cordial relationship with her. He still has an attachment, and feelings, toward his ex-wife, even if they are negative. That’s for him to recognize and work on. As for his ex-wife, she’s obviously in love with him, and is willing to put up with his antics for now, at least for the sake of their children.
You, on the other hand, have no children with him, and have a free pass to end the relationship. He seems like a dead weight, and there doesn’t seem to be anything positive coming from him, especially when he’s so openly negative and evil toward someone he once committed his life to and had children with. If he’s this disgusting with her, what makes you think he’d be so different when you guys break up? This man is showing you who he is, and you need to believe it! And let’s not mention those piss poor excuses; they seem to be hinting that he finds you gullible and liable to believe any hot mess that comes out his mouth! You can’t go for that, can you?
In closing, while we acknowledge we cannot force you to dump him, we must remind you that YOU show people how to treat you. His infidelity was an opportunity for you to show him who you are as a person and how you demand to be treated. If you told him before that you cannot stand cheaters, then his infidelity was an opportunity for you to remind him that you cannot stand for it, and walk away. If you choose to stay with him, you need to develop a strong attitude about whether or not you can deal with infidelity, the idea of him spending time away from you with his kids (and the ex-wife), and whether or not this relationship is truly something you want to save. Is he willing to do what it takes to prove he’s faithful now? If not, then that’s another sign that you might want to move on!
Wishing you the best,
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Sure you can! Don't lose hope. In any life situations whether is it be good or bad, the best thing to do is to become optimistic. We know change is constant but being optimistic all the time assures us to live a healthy and happy life.
Breakups are falling down but when you think positively the next best thing to do is to stand up and face whatever tomorrow brings. Heartache it gives could be healed asap!