Affair Repair: Rebuild Trust & Love After the Affair
Rebuilding love and trust may seem impossible after an affair.
As with many people who are suddenly left behind by their mates because of a side dish, we’ve all been there when said mate suddenly comes back, claiming to have had a change of heart and a desire to make our relationship work again. Some of us have been confused as to whether or not we should give the cheating shmuck another chance, repair love after the affair and have chosen one or the other option at one time or another. Some ended in good ways, others for the worse. Given the chance, I would have welcomed a source of advice on how to handle that kind of minefield situation.
Affair Repair Synopsis
Kara Oh's Affair Repair promises to restore your marriage to a happy, healthy state.
“Affair Repair: How to Save your Marriage and Make it Better than Before” by Kara Oh actually focuses on rebuilding the bonds of trust and love in a marriage after an affair by one of the spouses, however, I think most of the ideas in the book are still applicable even for people who are not married but are in a serious and long term relationship.
Generally, Oh talks about the situations that are involved when one has an affair that needs to be fixed to repair a marriage. She points out possible situations in the marriage that can lead to an affair, and how to assess for one’s self if the marriage is still worth saving after such an event. She further talks about the emotions that one feels when one finds out about the affair, and emotions that come in the time period after. She talks about dealing with feelings of betrayal and how to rekindle that love you once felt. She talks most of all about how to regain and rebuild that trust that was broken because of the affair.
Affair Repair: Should You Buy This?
On the upside, I think Oh has some good points, especially when it pertains to dealing with betrayal. She points out that the thought of betrayal is actually more painful than the act itself, and the pain and anger that people feel is what prevents them from rebuilding trust after affairs. She gives tips on how to stop feeling fear over your partner’s past infidelity, and how you can slow learn to stop being paranoid over the same thing happening.
However, if there is one thing that I find as a bit of a turn off in Oh’s product, it’s the section where she speaks of ways to fall back in love and rebuild those same feelings of intimacy that you and your partner once shared. Although she gives that same old disclaimer (“It’s not going to be easy” and “You really have to work at it to make it work again”), it still comes over like she feels that every relationship or marriage is fixable if “you want it enough”. However, relationships are subjective things, and from what I’ve learned, sometimes wanting does not automatically guarantee having. Sometimes, the sin and the consequent trauma is too great to overcome, and even if you still want to be with a person, nothing can convince you to do so anymore. Also, Oh tends to become overly cheesy in the last chapters of the book, especially chapter 14. (You’ll see what I mean when you read). There’s nothing wrong with celebrating love, but in this case, it seems to early to do so.
Bottom line, “Affair Repair” is not an utterly comprehensive or a definitive resource on repairing a relationship after an affair, but it’s still a good read, and offers some good ideas that will still make you think. I’d rate it a 3.2 stars out of 5 stars. Click here for more information.
