Personal issues, life circumstances and relationship problems are the main reasons people cheat.

Understanding Why He Cheated On You

Effectively dealing with infidelity requires that you understand the reasons behind your husband’s actions. Your cheating husband isn’t just one of those “cheating men” who seek to score with every woman who gives him the opportunity. Most men who have cheated have never previously seen themselves as the type to cheat, especially when they’re involved with someone they love and are committed to.

Despite what you hear and despite the reasons given, which can be many, there are always three main causes of infidelity within a relationship, and the reason why your husband cheated falls under one or more of these categories.

Personal Flaws

In the book Intimacy after Infidelity, authors Steve Solomon and Lorie Teago, state that those who do not deal with life effectively on a fundamental basis are more likely to be unfaithful. What this means is that, despite the demonizing you wish to subject your husband to, his affair can quite possibly be an ill-advised, unconscious effort to repair something he’s unhappy with in his life. Paul Coleman, PsyD and author of You, Him and the Other Woman, supports this theory. “Whether life stresses become overwhelming, he’s unhappy at home, or he simply has an immature ‘boys will be boys’ mentality, infidelity is a destructive way to cope.” Coleman also adds that “most acts of adultery are really efforts to feel loved, accepted, desirable or worthwhile.”

Personal values and personality flaws also come into play at this level of reasoning. Men who view cheating on their wives as wrong will work harder to overcome the problems which may have caused this issue, whether they are deep-seated or recent. This includes observing one parent cheating on the other and following that pattern as well.

There’s a huge difference between those who cheat and are willing to fix their weaknesses, and those who simply aren’t interested in being bothered. Truth be told, some men don’t see their cheating as a problem, and may feel entitled to their behavior. Their behavior is indicative of a deep-seated personality flaw, such as narcissism. Due to this, these guys are harder to deal with, as they have a genuine disregard for others’ feelings when it comes to their behavior, and lack true passion and empathy.

Relationship Problems

If your cheating boyfriend points the blame towards the quality of your relationship, you may feel conflicted about this. Though you may agree that your relationship isn’t at its best at the moment, or that you haven’t been the best girlfriend you could be, you still have passionate anger toward the manner your cheating boyfriend handled the situation in. You may also not like the implication that you are part of the problem.

Handle this scenario with kid gloves, if you will. If you refuse to acknowledge where your responsibility lies within his infidelity, he may view your reaction as a refusal to acknowledge his opinion, further driving a wedge between you two. On the other hand, you cannot allow your partner to excuse himself based off this assertion alone. While there were things going on within the relationship, be it lack of attention, compassion or time, he still made the choice to cheat on you, when there were other options available.

While no relationship is perfect all the time, there’s an increased likelihood to infidelity in your relationship if there’s a weak foundation in your relationship and several of the following signs exist:

Either partner has very low to no sexual desire
Either of you frequently criticizes the other harshly
Either partner is rarely given the benefit of the doubt and judged harshly
Deep-seated resentments exist betwixt you
There’s increased emotional detachment from one another
Regular inattentiveness
Either of you are unaware or disinterested in what’s happening with the other

Life Circumstances

Life circumstances don’t directly create affairs. Instead, these issues filter through the individual and their relationship with you. People with stronger coping skills and resilient attitudes are more likely to handle what life dishes out effectively, and are less likely to cope through affairs.

The mid-life crisis is the most popular life circumstances that people relate to infidelity. During a mid-life crisis, a man may feel that his youth is passing him by. With his virility in question, this man assumes his best years have passed him by and may cheat on his wife to see if he’s “still got it.”

Another example is a wife who is unhappy in her marriage, and chooses to have an exit affair to end the marriage while she’s still “young enough to enjoy the rest of her life.” In this situation, the affair didn’t end the marriage, but was the nail in the coffin. People are also known to have affairs when children are introduced into the family makeup, making them feel tied down, or like a useless fifth wheel in the family.

Cheating men and cheating women have been known to use affairs to stabilize their lives, especially when they are feeling stressed or unhappy. The affair appears to provide positive balance in their stressful, boring lives, providing energy, zeal and attention when their significant others are unable to do so. The other woman (or man) in the person’s life becomes a complement to theirs, compensating for what their life at home lacks. These problems cannot be otherwise fixed or addressed until the affair itself is exposed.

Now, we’ll be honest, reasons for cheating are not excuses. Despite the fact that your husband can justify his actions, they do not excuse him from what he’s done. No matter what the reason, your cheating husband chose to cheat on you. His infidelity was a personal decision to handle things he may not have been happy with in an ineffective manner. Whether you find his reasons understandable or not, it is only wise that you still hold him accountable for his activity. Like they say, sometimes infidelity cannot be explained, but only forgiven.