“My Wife Doesn’t Understand Me” – The One Lie He Tells His Mistress to Hook Her

How Telling His Mistress “You Don’t Understand Him” Helps Him Cheat

One of the most hurtful aspects of an affair is the discovery that intimate details of your relationship with your husband or boyfriend have been shared with an outside party. And not just the lovey-dovey, happy details, oh no! We’re talking the dirty, deep, dark details that you don’t even want your best friends to know about. As if this weren’t bad enough, he’s not sharing them with someone you even know or trust – but another woman he shares passionate interest in!

Most cheating men know that they’ll have to justify their infidelity to the other woman at some point in their relationship, whether it’s in the very beginning or at the very point in which they decide to voluntarily inform them. As numerous women don’t stand for cheating, there’s a chance that most of the women he approaches brushes him off. On the other hand, there are still women who allow themselves to remain involved with such a man.

Why is this?

Simple: He justifies that they “understand him” and “you don’t.”

In his mind, anyone but his woman is understanding, compassionate and caring when it comes to his relationship and life troubles. This isn’t a completely surprising thought, but what your man fails to understand is that anyone but his wife or girlfriend lacks enough knowledge to determine whether there’s a factual basis for what he says. While he laments that you don’t “give him space” and others agree this isn’t right, they may not understand that his idea of space is disappearing for days at a time without answering the phone or simply checking in to say hello. (Nevermind that impromptu trip to Vegas.)

While you can counterargue the things he says and does, chances are the other woman doesn’t because she assumes that he knows you well enough, and wouldn’t lie on you. Remember, his angle is that he loves you unconditionally, even if you’re a stubborn woman with security issues, and just needs someone to take his mind off the problems you give him at home, because he’s the victim.

Instead of running from this red flag, the other woman will more than likely feel flattered that your man has chosen her to confide in. His lamentations build a false sense of intimacy that plays on her ego, making her further open to his advances. Besides, why would she be upset when he’s not talking about her, but talking to her… about your shortcomings?

Boyfriend is a Bartender. He Cheated Once, Can I Trust Him Again?

Is her man serving up more than drinks?

  

2 Years Later, I Still Don’t Trust Him

 

Concerned and Confused: 

We certainly agree that you’re concerned, but drop the “confused”. You’ve been with him for two years and found out about his infidelity three months into dating him. If you weren’t interested in staying with him, it wouldn’t have taken almost 21 months to figure things out. Suffice it to say, the time has come and gone for you to get over what happened in the beginning, especially if you want to move forward in partnered bliss with this man. Therefore, the question isn’t “how to get past” his cheating, but instead “How to re-establish trust in him.” 

You cannot accept his infidelity as a “slip”, because it wasn’t a one-time incident. Slips are moreso accidental f*ck-ups . A slip-up is when a man’s drunk and has a one night stand, or he has a no-strings-attached hookup after you guys argue. Additionally, slips are unplanned and usually come with lots of regret. (Not that this makes things acceptable.) What he had was a consistent series of trysts with another woman. He deliberately lied to you each and every time he was going to see her as well, making this anything but a “mistake.” If anything, the fact that he got caught acting a fool with this woman is the mistake. 

Since you took him back, we can assume that whatever he said and did to regain favor worked. Whether he begged for you to give him one more chance, or sent you roses everyday for a week, you decided to give him another opportunity to make things work in the relationship. It was at this point that you should have started the hard work required on your part to open yourself up to trusting him – and from what it sounds like, you haven’t, and are actually still stuck in the past, which isn’t conducive to a healthy relationship. If anything, your lack of trust and unwillingness to move forward is a black hole sucking the energy from your connection. 

You want to move past this? Here’s some tough love on how to do so: 

 1. Acknowledge What Happened. Stop trying to rationalize his sexual infidelity as a “slip”. Process it for what it was: a shameless affair with another woman that stopped once he realized that you weren’t having it. 

2. Accept the reality that this happened… and acknowledge that it’s hurt you. This doesn’t mean that you forget this happened, or use this opportunity to play the victim again. It means that you emotionally accept the reality of what your man did, and resolve to move forward maturely. 

3. Get over his job as it relates to you. Yes, he’s a bartender and may flirt a little as a part of his job, but that doesn’t mean he has to flirt or that he will cheat on you again. You tell us, aside from his job, he hasn’t given you a reason not to trust him, which is an indication that he’s doing what he needs to, leading to my last piece of advice… 

4. You Either Want Him Or You Don’t – Hurry Up and Decide. Again, 21 months … 2 years is a long time to be with someone you’re not sure about. He’s well-past what happened with the two of you, has made amends, and says he wants to spend his life with you, while in the meanwhile, you’re still trying to “get past” what happened. 

 Truthfully speakiing, if you want to get past what happened, you can and will- but only if you do the work and start to trust him again. If he’s not worth your trust by now, then it’s a clear sign that he never will be and neither of you will be happy together. With love, Elle P 

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