He Wants to Go to A Strip Club! I’m Scared He Wants to Cheat on Me

 

If He goes to a Strip Club, Does that Mean He’ll Cheat?

 

Going to a strip club doesn’t mean he’s cheating…

Your man mentions going to a strip club with his buddies and you immediately go into panic mode. Flashes of Demi Moore ripping open her top, business execs smoking cigars, silicone, and 8″ Lucite heels race through your head. Don’t worry, you’re not alone – any woman who hasn’t had the pleasure of a lobotomy would react the same way. But do pleather thongs and body glitter necessarily mean that your man is going to cheat on you?

 The real, completely unsatisfactory, answer to that question is you never know. Now, I would say that it doesn’t matter the situation or environment, all that matters is your man’s character (and willpower) – but the women who are so convinced of their man’s perfection are also the ones who seem to be the ones who catch their little angels cheating more often than not, so for now let’s put aside character and look at the facts.

 Fact #1 – Not all Strip Clubs, or Strippers, are Created Equal:

Palm trees line the red carpet as he walks into the unmarked door. A fine mist slowly disperses, revealing a scantily clad model. Handing him a glass of champagne, she beckons with one perfectly manicured finger. “Come in, we’ve been waiting for you.”

Ok, NOT. If you’re dating George Clooney then that might be the high-class establishment you can expect your man to visit. But if your man is one of us normal people, it’s more likely that he and his buddies will hand their money to some fat guy in a security tee then seat themselves in cheap plastic chairs. A cocktail waitress – who is only a cocktail waitress at a strip club because nobody wants to see her strip – comes over to take orders to fulfill their 2-drink minimum. The dancing starts and the only 5-or-better in the room is the Seven and Seven your man just ordered from the waitress.

Not exactly the tempting and seductive scene you pictured. I once went to a strip club with my long-term boyfriend (side note: going with  your man to the strip club is always an option) and we simultaneously felt-embarrassed-for/unmercifully-mocked this one stripper whose unruly brown hair kept poking out of her Kim Zolciak mermaid wig.

True, most guys don’t care about the atmosphere, they just wanna see some tits. And true, there are strippers who don’t completely resemble Amy Winehouse. Which brings us to Fact #2…

Fact #2 – The World is Your Oyster, and Your Strip Club:

Strip clubs are so scary for women because we can’t help but view them as a one-stop temptation for our men – mixing booze, boobs, and boyfriends never seems like a good idea. But the truth is a man doesn’t need a strip club to be tempted by some skank in a short skirt – any trip to the mall, local bar, or friend’s house can have the same end result. Of course, having girls covered in oil writhing in front of him might be a tad more appealing than the checkout girl at Best Buy, but in either situation the act of cheating and the burden that comes along with it rests on your man’s shoulders.

Forbidding your guy from going to a strip club solely based on your insecurities isn’t going to make him be faithful to you – in fact, it might end up pushing him away. Instead of spending your time second-guessing your relationship, spend some quality time with your man. The closer you two get, the harder it’ll be for someone to come between you, especially someone with size 34GG fake boobs. So have a little faith and look on the bright side – the next time a girls’ night rolls around, your man will have nothing to say to you besides, “Have fun, hun.”

- Guest expert D. Estepan

Infidelity Conversations 10: My Husband’s Affair Killed My Sexual Desire For Him

My Heart’s Not in Saving the Marriage

In an effort to rebuild your marriage, your husband whisks you off on an exotic getaway. He’s putting all his effort into saving your marriage and stopping divorce in its tracks but you can’t seem to get excited by his attempts to rekindle the flame. As a result, he becomes highly frustrated that your heart’s not in it and starts wondering why he’s bothering in the first place.

Your husband’s efforts aren’t completely in vain, yet they are a hasty effort to move the affair out of your relationship’s pathway; his trip is an effort to put the past behind him and make rapid progress.

At the same time, nobody can blame you if you can’t help but avoid feeling excited about your wayward spouse’s efforts to re-ignite the flame in your marriage; after all, you’re actually seeking to avoid getting so excited by this move that your husband settles the affair as a small bump in your marriage.

Move past this road block by discussing the need for acceptance on both sides. Your husband will need to accept that his infidelity affected your desire for him, and a romantic trip, no matter how passionate, will not easily replace the diminished attraction to him. Also explain that you have to learn to accept that he’s trying to improve the state of your marriage and assist in helping you move past the affair as a couple. Remind him that just because you intend to have a good time on your trip does not mean all is forgotten and you need time to move at your own pace.

Do not get into a debate about how you or your husband should feel, but instead allow each other to fully feel whatever it is each person is feeling at the moment. Honoring each other’s true feelings about the situation makes for a respectful interaction which assists in restoring honor for both partners in the relationship. Successful practice of emotional acceptance and respecting the other party’s feelings also results in the you and your husband being able to feel safe in sharing more intimate thoughts and feelings within the relationship.

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