He Said I’m the Reason He Cheated – Is He Freaking Serious?!
October 31, 2009 by admin
Filed under Cheating, Infidelity, Adultery, etc.
Dealing With Infidelity – When the Cheater Blames You
My husband cheated on me. He broke my heart and it feels like your world is shifting. Is this really happening? Take a few deep breaths, you tell yourself, Just listen to what it is that he has to say.
He opens his mouth to speak, and you are positive that you just misunderstood what he just said. Did he just say it was your fault he cheated? There he goes again, repeating it. He did say it was your fault. Have you gone insane?
The good news is that you’re not crazy. The bad news is, it’ going to feel like you are. Oftentimes, when someone is responsible for breaking the trust in your relationship, married or dating, he will try to shift the blame. Your husband might say you weren’t affectionate enough or too affectionate. He may say you didn’t have time for him and didn’t want to have sex enough.
Whatever your boyfriend or husband’s reasons are for cheating, you need to know that you are NOT responsible for his cheating. True, there may be some things that are flawed in the RELATIONSHIP because of your behaviors, but you cannot be held responsible for how your husband/boyfriend/fiancé reacts to that behavior.
If you want this relationship sorted out, you two need to sit down, and hash things out. You also need to be strong enough to require that he take accountability for his infidelity before you even consider trying to restore your relationship.
It’s really difficult to forgive a husband cheating on you, a man who has betrayed your trust in such a powerful way, especially when he deflects the blame. Such actions are a sign of immaturity and need to be addressed if you’re really interested in working things out. Talk to your man about going to see a couple’s therapist. They will be able to help you both express how you really feel about your future and let go of the past.
No matter what, chica, remember his behavior is NOT your responsibility – NO MATTER WHAT.
My Husband Wants to Sleep with Other Women. HELP!
October 28, 2009 by admin
Filed under Open Relationships
Husband Craves Sexual Variety and Sex with Other Women
A man frequently fantasizes about sex with other women, but wanting to act on his fantasies is completely different.
So, your marriage has been a little lackluster in the bedroom. You blame it on falling into a rut and in an attempt to spice things up, you discover the real truth: it’s not you per se, but your husband wants to sleep with other women and you’re asking “What happened? Is this normal?”
“Don’t all men want to sleep with other women?” is most likely the response some people would have. According to general argument, men can find it hard to be faithful, and they blame this on genetics, social training and other theories. Truthfully speaking, when asked most men do respond that some of their most erotic and self-indulgent fantasies involve other women. Yet, even in the face of this truth, most men aren’t willing to risk acting out the fantasy for many reasons.
Now if your devoted husband requests your explicit permission to explore these other women as options, and you are truly okay with this, then setting boundaries will be a required step in this process.
Before we go further, we must impress upon you that it is a must that you feel completely fine with the idea that your man’s penis will be thrashing in another woman’s valley of love. Can you handle the idea that your husband and another woman are going to be passionately kissing, touching, rubbing and enjoying various forms of intercourse? If you are in fact okay with the idea of an open relationship, you need to ask yourself some questions before you agree, and make sure you ask the same questions of your partner, so there are no blurry lines about what is okay and what isn’t.
Sit down with your husband and discuss where the acceptable boundaries for your extramarital relationships will lie. If you don’t like the idea of him giving a woman oral sex, then be very vocal and specific about this, and explain your position. Let him know which acts are completely off limits with another woman, and be very clear about what the consequences are for disrespect of these boundaries. Always enforce upon your husband the need to wear sexual protection. He must provide and monitor his own condom use, and make sure that they are disposed of and maintained carefully, so as not to bring a child or sexually transmitted diseases into the equation.
To ensure that the situation will be fair, and not just a way for him to feel better about cheating while you wait at home, find out if he already has chosen a girl. If so, ask where he knows her from and how long he has been considering having a sexual relationship with her. find out a little bit more about her, and see if he’s been with her before. In other words, find out if he’s been cheating and this is his way of coming clean. If he doesn’t have anyone in mind, you can probably breathe a little easier, knowing that he is probably just curious.
Make sure that you set ground rules with your husband. They can be about any of the details that you think are important, but some good areas to cover are how many partners, and whether or not you will meet the new woman, and he your new man. Also ask if he will be telling other people outside of the relationship about its new status, and how comfortable you are with the idea of other people knowing.
Remember to make the negotiation fair. While you may not want to have sex with another man as of yet, you don’t need to give your husband an unfair advantage with this situation. Since he’s assuming you’re cool with it, he may not realize that you *may* feel entitled to getting yours on the side as well. Even if this isn’t the case, ask him what his terms are when it comes to you sleeping with another man. Sometimes, all you have to do is suggest that you’ll be open for an extramarital tryst, and he’ll come down to reality. If he decides on even terms, just remember that you now have that permission as well.
One of the most important facets of making this work is to trust each other, and for you to find out why he wants to try someone else. A desire for sexual variety in sex style – such as a new position or a new type of sex (anal, threesome, etc.) – or in partner might be behind his actions. Or maybe he wants to do things you are adamant that you won’t do (swallowing). It’s possible that he could tell you what he’s craving, you could adopt that practice, and keep him from thinkign of roaming away again.
